


Purgatory

by steveelotaku



Category: The Darkness (Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 06:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 25,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8193488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steveelotaku/pseuds/steveelotaku
Summary: Set after The Darkness II, Jackie finds a way out of hell and a way to get his beloved Jenny back...but is this salvation, or just another form of damnation?





	1. Hellraiser

You ever have a really bad day? I don't mean like, "oh, I parked in a fire route and the NYPD is ticketing my ass, and I got coffee on my tie and now I have to work overtime and I'll miss the game on TV" bad. I mean really fucking bad. I mean, say your uncle tries to kill you 'cause you owe him and you scare him. Your girlfriend gets shot in the head and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. You try to do the right thing and ease her pain, fight an evil cult, and you end up stranded in hell for it…well, ok. When it comes to bad days, I hit the fucking jackpot.

_This is not the END, JACKIE. You ARE not A PRISONER._

"Yeah, smartass? Explain then why I'm still stuck here in hell."

_THE ANGELUS has POWER. But I AM STRONG._

"Strong enough to fuck my life up, but not save it?"

_You THREW yourself INTO THIS mess. I HAD nothing to DO WITH IT._

"You could have told me! Instead, you just kept me in the fucking dark!"

_You WOULD NOT have BELIEVED me, JACKIE._

"Ok, you have a point. But that's only 'cause you lie through your fucking snake teeth every two seconds."

_THERE is a WAY. I WILL not LET YOU BE damned by HER._

"Alright. What do you have in mind?"

_This is MY REALM. SHE has no AUTHORITY here. I WILL not let my SERVANT BE...ARGH, thOUGH I am weakened GREATLY by your actions, I CAN still set you FREE._

I gotta say, even though I don't want to trust it, The Darkness has my number. I want out. There's no two ways about it. I don't like having to deal with it, but at the same time I can't just sit here while some order-obsessed jackass cosmic force is taking the only woman I ever loved for a joyride.

"Well that's great, Glinda. So what do I do, click my fucking heels?"

_Be STILL. THIS may cause MOMENTARY DISCOMFORT._

Sure enough, it hurts like hell. But not as much as what got me here. Not as much as losing Jenny...

Still, it feels like someone's playing a polka on me with baseball bats and a stun gun.

By the time I come to, I'm lying on the streets of New York again. Ah…good old NYC. I missed this rat-infested, stinking, polluted hellhole. You know, there was that Disney movie, with the cat and Billy Joel as a dog…Huey Lewis did the opening song and I honestly think it sums up this town. Sometimes, you've got no control at all and if you don't hold on and keep dreaming you're as good as dead. Let's face it, for a guy like me, NYC is nothing like those Meg Ryan movies.

"So I was saying to her, "Oatmeal? Are you crazy?" and then—Jesus Christ! Boss! What the hell happened to you? We've been looking for you for a week!"

Vinnie. Good old Vinnie. And right behind him is Jimmy the Grape.

"Vinnie…Jimmy…aren't you a sight for sore eyes…"

Jimmy eyes me from under his purple fedora.

"Christ, Jackie! You look like you've been through hell and back!"

I had.

Vinnie just looks at me and passes me a hip flask.

"Here. Got some bourbon in this. Not your favourite, Boss, but a little liquor might get ya back on your feet. "

Jimmy pulls a cell phone out of his suit pocket.

"I'll have the limo sent around. We're getting you home, Jackie."

You know what's great about the Family? They really are family. All the good ones, at least. And you really couldn't ask for better family than Vinnie and Jimmy the Grape.

What seems like an eternity later, but was probably only five minutes, the limo pulls up and Vinnie loads me inside. The plush seats never felt as good as they do now. I sigh heavily, but at least I'm safe.

And that's when this asshole gangsta wannabe slams into the limo. He gets out, talking all big.

"Hey. Old-timer! Pay up! You're in Swag-G's turf!"

Jimmy the Grape, in classic style, simply looks at him with a look that says just how much trouble he's in.

"I believe I didn't hear you correctly, son. My old age, you know, makes it hard to hear sometimes. I think I heard you say "Shit, sir, I'd better pay up because you're a member of the Estacado family and the Don won't be remotely happy with me if my worthless, sorry, wannabe ass doesn't lick his boots.""

That's when the gangbanger does something really, really stupid. He shoots out my window, and drags me out through the door.

"Don Estacado. I'm going to bust a cap in your sorry ass…"

Vinnie goes for his gun, but then he stops as he looks in horror.

The Darkness is already out. The two snakelike tendrils grin at me with piranha smiles. And that's when head number two shoots straight into the poor bastard's heart for a midnight snack.

I feel rejuvenated. I've got enough strength to get up and look his dead body in the eyes.

"Didn't your mom tell you to stay off the streets when it's dark?" I glare, and walk back, limping.

The limo's trashed. The idiot managed to bust a wheel. I'll have the cleanup crew deal with it later. In the meantime I have Jimmy and Vinnie take this poser's Hummer. It's tacky as hell, but it'll have to do. Loud rap music blares as we get in, and Jimmy just shakes his head and slides in a Sinatra CD. Within ten minutes, we're back at the mansion.

Yeah, you know what? No matter how bad things get, I still own this town.

You hearing this, Angelus? I'm coming for you. Nothing is gonna stop me from getting Jenny back. I don't care if I have to pull her out of your feathered ass. I'm gonna save her and save the city.

Because I own this town, and you just broke my one rule.

Don't fuck with the Family.


	2. Equilibrium

There comes a time in every man's life where things change. And I don't mean shit like getting a puppy or a mid-life crisis car. I mean an honest-to-God change. Like one where nothing will ever be the same again. Meeting Jenny was one of those kinds of changes. Losing her was another. I've been to hell and back twice. I've killed hundreds of people. Let's get one thing straight—I'm not the good guy. Never have been. Never will be. But I figure I can be a decent enough bastard to save the one ordinary person who thought there was more than a murderer in me.

"Welcome home, Boss. We all missed you. Sorry about the mess, but we're kinda restoring the place." Vinnie explains.

I nod, and manage a smile.

"Yeah, thanks Vinnie. It's good to be back."

"Where'd you get to, anyway? Those Brotherhood bastards, did they have anything to do with it?"

I nod again.

"Yeah…my 'thing' was involved, and well, I kicked their asses and ended up taking a very bad trip after. Let's just say things got hot under the collar."

Vinnie nods. He's got the message. It means we'll probably talk later in my office. Right now, I just gotta get upstairs and rest. I start limping up the stairs.

Predictably I trip and fall right on my friggin' face.

Dolfo's at my side in an instant, giving me a hand up. I thank him. He's a good guy, Dolfo. Not the brightest, maybe, or the sanest, but a good guy nonetheless.

"Oh, and Jackie, one more thing!"

Jimmy the Grape's waiting nearby.

"Listen, Jackie, Johnny wants to speak to you when you're feeling up to it. He's very…agitated. You know how he gets."

"I know, Jimmy, I know. I just need some me time.'

So that's when I go into my room, and close the door.

This was one of the few places that didn't get too badly fucked up by the Brotherhood. I wander over to the table near the door, and sit down. There's Jenny's picture sitting there, along with a lit candle. Vinnie must have kept lighting it while I was gone. Sure enough, a little note confirms it.

"For Jackie, who I hope to God isn't gone, and if he is, I hope he's with you, Jenny-Your old pal, Vinnie."

Vinnie is one of the few people left who knows just how much Jenny means to me. Sure, he'll try to get me to see other girls every once in a while, but that's mostly because he can't stand to see me moping around the mansion. A few minutes later, I've got a warm bath run and I'm slipping inside. Crazy, I know, taking a bath at a time like this. But then again…I just got out of hell and I'm covered in dirt, blood, and God knows what else. I figure I'm entitled to one.

So I'm just enjoying the water and suds and that's when The Darkness decides to have a little heart to heart with me.

_RESTING now JACKIE? YOUR NEMESIS is LOOSE in NEW YORK._

"Your nemesis, maybe. I don't give a flying fuck at the moment."

_You will NOT save JENNY WITH that ATTITUDE._

"You kept her locked up! You only wanted me to save Jenny when it suited you!"

_YOU are MY PUPPET. YOU should not REBEL LIKE YOU do._

"Let's get one thing straight, you Japanese porno reject, I don't take orders from you. I'm the Don. I only put up with you because you're too dangerous for anyone else to have."

_YOU will OBEY!_

"In your dreams, fright-face. Now shut up and let me enjoy my bath."

Pretty soon, the nightmares living in my shoulders slide back in and the voice goes away. You know, it's not easy being the host of what's basically the Godzilla of shadows, but it isn't always so chatty, and I thank God it knows when to keep it down.

After soaking for a good half hour, I get into a new suit, and come downstairs to find a very jumpy Johnny Powell waiting for me.

"Jackie! J-Jackie! I-I need to speak to you, if that's alright and you have time and stuff, because…because, uh, well, you see, y-you, well, uh, The Angelus is loose, alright? And uh, well..."

I cut him off.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. She stranded me in hell. The Darkness got me out. Used what little power it had left."

Johnny shivers.

"Listen, Jackie. That-that's not a good thing, ok? The Darkness isn't something you want around, no, b-but with-with The Angelus, you don't stand a chance without your Darkness power at full. Y-you are f-f-fucked without some serious firepower!"

I give him a steely look.

"I need to get Jenny back. Get The Angelus out of her. Can I do that? Can I seal The Angelus?"

"Get Jenny out? Probably. S-seal it? No. Well, I mean, yeah, but you don't w-want to do that. Balance thing. Equi-equilibrium stuff. Also it's hard as hell to do."

"Equilibrium? The fuck are you talking about, Johnny?"

"I'm s-sayin' that darkness and light can't exist without each other. Lock one away, bad shit happens. Angelus reigns supreme? The world's so bright you g-gotta wear shades, except, nope, you die for being too chaotic for it. Same with Darkness. The Darkness would make the world hell. Or blow it up. Either one. This is why they exist. To oppose each other."

"And what do we exist for, getting screwed over by them?"

"I'm a-a paranormal specialist, Jackie, not a philosopher."

"Alright, alright. Go back to what you were doing and try to find something I can use to take Jenny out."

"C-can do, Jackie."

He stumbles off, muttering. He's crazy as a loon and he lives in a cardboard box under the bridge, but he knows his shit when it comes to the supernatural.

I feel like shit, so naturally I go to watch some TV to get my mind off things. Wonder what's on the classic movies channel…

_To Kill A Mockingbird._

Fuck.


	3. Better Off Dead

You ever have a pleasant memory that just hurts every time you think of it? You ever once love something but now can't bear to look at it? Because this is what my life is like now. It's full of little things that make want to just curl up and break down and cry. No, it's not considered manly, but fuck that. You don't get very far in an Italian family if you can't appreciate sadness. A ton of our shit is sad. _Pagliacci. Rigoletto. Madama Butterfly. The Godfather._ I really don't need to go on, do I? But there are four things in the world I can't bear seeing. The orphanage, Jenny's apartment, Hellgate Field…and _To Kill a Mockingbird._

Jesus Christ, why am I even watching this?

I haven't been able to change the channel. It's like a train wreck, I can't help but watch. The piano music at the start hits me in the heart.

Jenny's face, her voice…it all drifts back to me. It's like I'm back in her apartment, her TV on top of the box that held her record player…

I'm in her arms and it feels like heaven…but it's all just an illusion. Just a daydream. Hell, I no longer even care…

I swear, the more I watch this film, the more it hurts. Every bit of it has something that reminds me of the past. Bob Ewell, that hick bastard, he's like Uncle Paulie before I blew his fucking brains out. Scout reminds me a bit of Jenny…it's almost hard to watch her.

I'm beginning to see why the film is so popular. It's well-acted, honestly, and it's not preachy, at least not in a bad way.

You know, I've never noticed just how dark this movie is. I don't mean like theme-wise, I mean like shadows and stuff. Like The Darkness, really…hey wait…if I'm just daydreaming, why does it feel like…

I realize to my horror that The Angelus is in my arms.

I would scream for guards. For a hundred gunmen. But I can't. It's Jenny…and she's pressed her finger to my lips with a cruel smile and voice not her own. Of course. The Angelus.

_"Shh, Ratface. People are sleeping…"_

The Darkness is out in two seconds, and it's ready to get its fangs in her, but I hold it back.

_"Aww. How touching. You don't want to hurt Jenny…"_

"Shut the fuck up." I growl at The Angelus. "You don't deserve her! And you don't get to call me that!"

_"Vile creature of darkness…did you really think you could be with her? She is innocent…"_

"Yeah, don't give me the fucking 'innocent' act, you child-murdering fuck."

That's when she backhands me across the couch.

_"You will pay for your insolence."_

I just fix her defiantly.

"Go ahead and kill me, then. I've lost everything that matters."

_"No, I think not. You need to pay FAR more than that…"_

And just like that, The Angelus is gone….and Vinnie's burst into my room wielding a machine gun, and so has Jimmy.

All they find is me, curled up on the sofa, crying, with the last scene of _To Kill a Mockingbird_ ending.

Jimmy puts a hand on my shoulder and Vinnie breaks out the tissues.

Everything hurts right now.

And it's not ok. It's not fucking ok.


	4. White Oleander

They say before you die your life flashes before your eyes. That's bullshit. All you see is the last stuff that was happening and the shit you regret most. Take it from me. I've died about four times. Yeah, I know, I'm being pretty cavalier about that, but it's not like I can STAY dead. Unless The Angelus gets to me and decides it doesn't want to play the school bully any longer and just skip to literally ripping my heart out instead of just metaphorically doing it. You know, some days, I wonder just what the fuck I did wrong to deserve this. Wait, never mind. Don't answer that.

So it's "impromptu meeting/damage control session" up in my room, and I've calmed down some. The key word being "some."

"Fucking light-bulb angel stripper lookin' bitch! I swear if I get my hands on her I'm going to take Jenny out and rip The Angelus so full of holes she'll be a fuckin' strobe light, the cocksucker!"

Vinnie quirked an eyebrow.

"Uh, Boss, I'm lovin' the Pesci act, but you've gotta calm down. Jenny needs you to be calm."

He's right. I stop.

"I'm sorry. I just…"

"Hey, she's got your girl. I'd be pissed too, if I was in your shoes."

Jimmy speaks up.

"We need a plan, Jackie. Let's face an ugly truth. Right now, she's got big time power. If we want to whack something that's millennia old, we gotta get power to match."

Johnny trembles as he enters.

"Th-that's where I come in. I've drawn up a map of old Brotherhood bases. I figure, if-if we raid them, we might get some gear and clues."

Johnny's plan makes sense, but it's going to take time. I feel antsy as hell just sitting around and stuff, but really, there's not much I can do until I can get back to full strength.

"The Darkness must feed…" I say, hesitantly. "I guess I'll spend some nights out then."

I take to the streets in a black sedan deliberately picked to help me keep a low profile. The last thing I need to do is draw unwanted attention to myself. I'm driving slower for once, heading down the avenue, towards Chinatown. I drive past the basketball court that once lead to where Jenny lived. There's a bunch of flowers lying on the ground by the trash and a cardboard sign saying "An angel lived here."

Jenny…God, I miss you.

I get out of the car, kicking a can down the street as I go down it. I'm headed for a billiard parlour, some near-abandoned dive I shot up two years ago looking for some rat named Dutch Oven Harry.

Maybe if I'm lucky, the bullet holes will still be there. The place could stand some redecorating.

I open the door and for a moment I swear I've stumbled into _The Crow_ or some shit like that. It's all goth kids and the odd dealer and crap.

Geez, this neighbourhood really HAS gone to the dogs.

I get some remarks on the "sweet coat" I'm wearing. They don't seem to recognize me. Then again, I'm not wearing my suit, and I'm dressed like I'm still running business errands for Uncle Paulie. I deliberately changed things up though. A sweater I never wear, a new pair of jeans, shit like that.

I walk through, the dark lights and dark, angsty hearts of the people in the room feed The Darkness. That's the thing about The Darkness. It loves any kind of dark.

But then I see something in the back….

A girl, feebly protesting as her drugged body refuses to cooperate as some lowlife fuck is raping her. She's protesting, trying to scream, but she's choking on saliva and God knows what else. Dark hair…lip ring…

Oh God…she looks like Jenny…

Am I hallucinating? Or…

Regardless, I can't let him get away with it. He's a disgusting little fucker. All weekend warrior and no taste. He must think he's hot shit. The kind of fucker who thinks asking a woman to make him a sandwich is funny. You ask any of the Family girls to make you a sandwich and they'll make a lovely one with your teeth, tongue, and lower jaw, with your balls as the olives. Don't fuck with the Family.

I speak up above the radio playing The Cure.

"Hey. Fucker. Leave her alone."

He glares at me.

"Oh yeah? Make me stop, faggot."

Oh wow. He really has no idea who he's dealing with.

"I just killed a guy outside." He brags. "I deal so much coke it'd make your head spin. You ain't got shit. I'm taking this bitch for my own."

I'm trying to hold The Darkness back. But it wants out. It wants to make this bastard suffer.

"So what the fuck do you do otherwise?" I snap back.

"I fuck bitches. They come to me because I'm the only thing that's worthwhile in their lives. They're so beaten and useless they'd suck me off just for a gram."

That does it…no one fucking hurts a woman around me. Ever.

The Darkness roars out.

"Welcome to hell, you fuck. Do you have a name?"

"I-I'm Big Pussy Paulie!""

"Funny. I never did like people named Paulie. My uncle, Paulie, he was a rat bastard. Like you. I killed him. Now, I didn't plan on killing you. But The Darkness, see…has different ideas."

He dies screaming. Torn in half, The Darkness going in through his mouth and ass. Not pretty. Not pleasant.

But a fitting death.

I take the poor girl from the table he'd shoved her onto. I take my coat off, putting it on her.

"You'll be safe now…" I tell her.

The goth crowd's looking on in awe. I'm able to walk through them no problem, though.

"I told you it existed!" one says, and another just gives him five bucks.

Kids these days…

I get in the car and stick the girl in the passenger seat. She comes to and panics a little, but I calm her.

"Shh…it's gonna be alright. I'm gonna get you help. You need a doctor."

"Wh-what happened to Paulie?" she asks, frightened.

"Paulie won't be hurting anyone anymore. You got a name?"

"S-Sara…"

"Well, Sara, I'm getting you to the doctor. Don't worry about paying for it. I'll handle it. If anyone gives you trouble, just say Jackie Estacado sends his regards. "

The girl nods, and falls asleep just as we get to the hospital.

Sleep tight, Sara.


	5. Love Story

You know, a few years back, I took Jenny to see _Wicked_ on Broadway. Uncle Paulie didn't pay a cent for the tickets, always talkin' shit about "the fags on Broadway" that acted in these shows, so Aunt Sarah treated us. I think Jenny and I were some of the few in the audience who weren't thirteen or whatever and with their parents. I'm not much for Oz and stuff, and the music was catchy but kinda grated on me. And then I heard this one song… Elphaba was singing about how no matter what she did, no matter what good she tried to do, she'd always get punished for it. I don't know if I entirely got it, back then. But now, I think I do. And that kinda brings me to another thing about Broadway. I managed to get some of Jenny's things from her house before it got cleaned out. I got her DVDs and CDs, as well as her photos. Now, Jenny, she had this soundtrack for one movie, _The Phantom of the Opera_. I remember watching it with her one night, we snuck into the theater. And I loved it, it was really fuckin' hardcore. I mean, some masked nutcase in an Opera house breaking necks and singing about darkness? I thought that was cool. Then I actually became a nutcase who breaks necks and deals with darkness. Funny. But anyway, there was another song, only on the CD…I listened to it last night for the first time. And there's the Phantom, and he's not being all badass and showy. He's just…crying, basically. Because nobody's fucking listening. And the one person who ever did listen to him is gone from his life. He's got nothing to live for anymore. I'm not going to lie, I felt my guts twist when the track ended.

So boy do I get an earful when I walk in the door.

"Jesus Christ, Jackie! I thought you were trying to keep a low profile!"

Looks like Jimmy isn't happy.

He points at the TV.

Sure enough, my little escapade is already TV news.

"Witnesses state that a mysterious man with what appeared to be snakes coming out of his shoulders violently tore a man in half."

Some goth kid's being interviewed.

"Yeah. That drug dealer *BEEP* never leaves us alone for a minute and he was roughing up one of our own…So suddenly this guy I've never seen before walks in, and like, he's got these things comin' out of his shoulders, like snakes, or something. Some kinda weapon, maybe. It was hard to see in the dark. Lighting is really bad in there. Anyway, that guy? Bisected in like, two seconds."

Jimmy flicks off the TV.

"This is bad, Jackie. The police are going to be gunning for you."

"Shrote's dead."

"Doesn't matter. The cops still have his records and we're not bribing them currently, because we have standards."

"What did you expect me to do, huh? I couldn't just stand by and do nothing while that sadistic little fuck hurt her! You told me the Family has to look out for the community. Well, that's exactly what I did! And I would have done it more subtly, but I lost control of The Darkness. I was just gonna knock him senseless otherwise."

Jimmy sighs.

"Well, Jackie, it's not impossible to stop this right now. We'll just spread some rumors, comments on drug use, that sort of thing. I'll get Butcher Joyce to leave a dead rabid wolf or bobcat or some animal nearby. They'll think that did it, and not you."

I suppose we'll just have to roll with that. I nod.

"While you're at it, Jimmy, get some of the boys raiding warehouses, but take Johnny along."

"Right. Good luck, Jackie. And don't go pissing off people unless you absolutely have to."

I go back to my room. I should be doing more desk work, but I just don't feel like it. I don't need problems. Not more of them, at any rate. I take a seat in my chair and go over to the stereo, slipping one of Jenny's old CDs in. The sounds of eighties top 40 pop provide a welcome filter of white noise for my mind. A few more minutes later and I've mixed up a martini, taken my shirt off, and generally look like the picture of the idle rich bachelor.

Or like Bruce Wayne. Hell if I know what a normal rich guy looks like. I like to keep out of that scene.

And that's when things get bad. Jenny appears beside me.

"Jenny?"

She puts a finger to her lips. I don't trust this. Not at all. But…

Jenny wraps her arms around me. She kisses me. Just like she used to…

It feels real. But I've had illusions that felt like this, so it's probably not.

For a moment, I don't even care. Jenny's dark hair shimmers in the night. The car horns and sirens outside just underscore the moment perfectly. The sound of REO Speedwagon's "Keep On Loving You" flow through us. I feel alive. For the first time in what feels like a fuckin' eternity, I feel alive.

"Jenny…God help me, no matter what…I'll always love you…"

"Oh, Jackie…"

That's when I feel something wet on my skin. Green. Glowing.

What the hell?

Jenny dissolves into a puddle of green liquid. And yet…

Something's there…a ring…

I recognize it. It's the one from her lip.

But if she's the host for The Angelus…how did she get this to me?


	6. Mean Girls

You know, I still remember when Jenny got her lip pierced. She came over wearing a scarf, hiding her mouth. I was asking her, "What's with the scarf?" And she wouldn't say until I pointed out I couldn't kiss her like that. She blushed, and she took it off, asking if she still looked pretty. I up and kissed her right there. She was fuckin' beautiful. Always was. Always will be. But let me tell you something. I still remember the feel of that ring against my lips. And sometimes I feel it in my dreams, in even the seconds between subway stops. You never forget your first kiss. And Jenny…I couldn't have asked for a better first kiss. I'd do anything for Jenny. Anything at all.

About thirty minutes later, Johnny Powell is in my room examining the puddle and the ring and getting really skittish.

"J-Jackie. You don't know what this is, do you?"

"If I knew, Johnny, I wouldn't be asking you."

"W-well, of-of course, ok...S-see, this is ec-ectoplasm. You know, like in _Ghostbusters_. Th-that means, you saw Jenny's ghost. A genuine ghost, Jackie. That-that's pretty rare."

"She's the host of the Angelus. Doesn't that mean she shouldn't be able to contact me?"

"That-that'd only be true if she had a body. She doesn't. Like you said, her-her body is buried."

"So what gives with the ring?"

"W-well, Jackie, you gotta understand something about l-love and the supernatural. Ghosts, see, inhabit places of great emotion. It's similar with objects. See, this ring…well, you probably kissed it, a lot. Tons of love and that. And those memories and that love, they got stored in the ring. The Angelus is a force of order. Love, love is chaos. Uncontrollable. Passionate. It's why The Angelus can't control it. I'm guessing Jenny's ghost manifested from the ring. The love and memories drew her spirit from The Angelus and into a temporary, ghostly form."

"So, in simple terms, Johnny, what does that mean?"

"It means The Angelus hasn't got total control of Jenny. And that we may have something to use against it."

"Good answer, Johnny. Take all the ecto you want."

"The ring, Jackie, what're you gonna do with it?"

"I'll keep it safe. You can use some magic around it, but I want to hang onto it. It's the only thing I have left of her, really."

Johnny nods quietly and walks out.

I place the ring inside a box, very carefully. I latch it shut, sealing it with a combination only I know. Anything Johnny wants to test out, he can do it through the box. I need a good night's rest…

I lie down on the bed, barely getting undressed, and try to let sleep overtake me.

It's not easy. I'm greeted by nightmares.

I see Jenny die again and again and there's nothing I can do. I see The Angelus burn New York to ashes. I see Aunt Sarah's death, just as vivid as when I saw it the first time. I see Sara, dead in an alley. I see everyone I love and care about dead. And where am I? I'm under the heel of The Angelus, who's making me watch.

Then things get strange…The Angelus, holding me, it almost feels good.

Almost as if…

I wake up, naked, with The Angelus toying with my body.

"Don't you fucking knock?!" I splutter out, trying to regain my composure.

"It doesn't suit me." The Angelus replies.

"I thought you were into order."

"I was. But I like to indulge my host once in a while. After all, I'm going to have to break her heart sooner or later…"

The Darkness roars out. It's snarling, hissing.

"Don't you fucking dare hurt her." I growl, trying to sound tough.

I get a heel to the balls for my trouble. Me and my big fuckin' mouth…

It hurts for all of a moment.

I sigh, looking into The Angelus' eyes.

"I gotta ask, why? Of all the things, why? Why keep it up? Why torture me, why torture her?"

She smirks.

"I love it. You're desperate. See, you're an evil man, and you've got evil inside you. I'm going to get rid of evil. Even if it means breaking you to pieces, pretty-boy. You've got one hot girlfriend, and she's way too nice for you. So I'm going to keep her. And as you die screaming along with The Darkness, I might find a new host and keep her around as my little concubine."

I am burning red with anger by this point.

"Fuck you! Fuck you, you self-righteous prick! I have had it with you! I am so sick of you! Get it over with, if you've got the stones, you sicko!"

The Angelus laughs, a smug snicker that is both grating and kind of hot.

"I know you've got stones, Jackie. I can see them quite clearly. Wonder how the entirety of New York would like them? All I'd have to do is hang you up somewhere for the paparazzi to find you. Destroy your reputation completely. You'd be the laughingstock of the Underworld."

I glare at her.

"You know, for an ancient force of order, you sure act a lot like a school cheerleader."

"Blame it on your mate, Jackie."

"You're wrong! She's nothing like that!"

"You say there is a light in The Darkness, right? Looks like there may be some darkness in the light…"

I reach under my pillow, and pull out a gun, then cut the power to my lights. My Darkness armor begins to spread….

And then she lights the room up…because the sun is rising. My power is useless. The armor shatters.

"Out of options, Jackie? I think you look tired. Maybe a nice relaxing swim…in the Hudson."

Then something changes. Its eyes glow gold…previously, they looked like Jenny's…

I know something's up when its voice becomes more orderly. Like it should be.

"You have detained us long enough. We will detain you, now. Enjoy a watery bed."

That's when she grabs me, takes me for a ride on Air Fundamentalist, and throws me all the way into the Hudson.

Thank God I own half the barges on the river, because otherwise, I'd be fucked.

Well, now I know three things.

The Hudson River smells like, tastes like, and is probably mostly shit.

I really fucking hate The Angelus.

There is something really, really wrong with Jenny.

And for a supplement, I fucking hate my life.


	7. You Can (Not) Advance

When I was a young man, working for Uncle Paulie, whacking small timers, I learned an important lesson. Everybody has a dark side. I once was doing a small run with Jimmy the Grape. And up until this point, I wondered why Jimmy was coming along. After all, he wasn't young, even back then. I kinda thought of him as a cool old grandpa back then. I still do. But after I saw him blow a guy's brains across the wall of a rat-infested shack and set the place alight, I quickly learned that just because a guy smiles a lot and is really fucking polite, doesn't mean that's all that's there.

I can't decide how I feel right now. Part of me is pissed. I mean, that was humiliating. That was one big colossal sucker punch to my ego. And it was also a threat to Jenny. But speaking of Jenny, she kinda acted off. That is, if I can even trust The Angelus.

Johnny is jumpy the moment I get back and look normal.

"Ok, Jackie? D-don't trust it an inch! The Angelus, s-see, can make you see shit. Hear shit—shit that ain't there, you know?"

"Illusions?"

"Yes. A-and more. It can make you see people that ain't even there…"

"Johnny, though, on the off chance it's telling the truth?"

"Jackie, as-as you well know, everyone has darkness. Jenny? I don't know. I never met her. B-but if you want to find out…there-there-there are ways. It's just…it'll take a while."

"I don't have a while, Johnny!"

"Look, J-Jackie. Hear me out! I know of an artifact that can help us, and The Brotherhood base we raided two nights ago g-gave me a cl-cl-clue to its location!"

I grimace. That was better than nothing, but not by much.

"Alright, where would we have to start looking?"

"Mr. Peevish's h-house, it would seem."

"I'll try to find it. Alone. I'm not getting you dragged into this."

Vinnie springs up beside me.

"Boss, the last time you said that, you ended up disappearing for a week."

He's right of course, but damn it, I have to salvage SOME of my manliness.

"Look, the Brotherhood is dead. There's no way I'm in any danger from walking down the street in broad daylight."

I say it in a tone that makes it clear there's no talking me out of it.

Vinnie sighs, but he knows me well enough to know that I've made up my mind.

"Alright, Boss. But if you need anything, just call us."

"I will, I will. Don't worry."

With that I take the elevator down to the parking garage and drive off in the sedan I'd used the previous night. Johnny's men came through as always—I've got a rough sketch of a map with a little "x" marking the probable location of the late Mr. Peevish's house. My back hurts still from the fall in the river. It's probably just a bruise, but damn if it doesn't hurt.

I drive a while longer, thinking about all that's happened since I got out of hell.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm starting to miss the old days. Before I got The Darkness. Before Uncle Paulie turned out to be a murderous, sociopathic, self-centered douchebag. Before…

Before Jenny died.

Eventually I get out, parking not too far away. When I look at the house it's pretty obvious it's Mr. Peevish's. The windows are shuttered and the whole place has vines growing all over it. Well, at least it's hidden by a gate. I slip in, head up the steps, and…

Fall as the stones crumble beneath me.

*CRACK*

Well, that can't be good—OH MOTHERFUCKER.

I gasp as the air cuts from my lungs. I can't move otherwise. My spine is broken. I'm no doctor, but I can't move, so that's my best guess. And since it's not dark, I can't just let The Darkness heal it. I let out a scream, which, predictably, attracts no one. It's New York. Screaming is like background chatter here. Just someone else's problem.

I'm ready to just give up when I hear the front door open and footstep.

"Oh my God, are you okay?"

That voice…sounds familiar.

"Hey wait…you're that guy…from the club…"

One look from her confirms it. It's Sara.

"I'm Sara. Sara Peevish. You saved me back there."

She looks me over.

"A broken spine. Wait here. I'll help you inside."

Wait…shouldn't she be calling an ambulance?

A few minutes later I'm in. The house is totally dark. My spine begins to reknit itself and heal it stronger than before. I get up and find Sara looking at me with a bemused smirk.

"Jackie Estacado, right?"

"Uh, yeah. That's me."

Smooth, Jackie. Smooth.

"Just what are you doing at my house? I mean, I know we met under intense circumstances, but come on…"

She laughs.

"I…well…" I begin, but she cuts me off.

"Let me guess. You're here because of my creepy father, am I right?"

I shrug, and then nod. No point in lying.

"My dad was obsessed with you. I thought you looked familiar that night, it's just, well… I was kinda doped out of my mind."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Obsessed like…how?"

"He had pictures of you everywhere and maps relating to where you were."

Ok then. Peevish had been even more of a creep than I realized.

She sighed, taking out a cigarette and doing a long drag on it.

"Yeah, dad was a creepy little bastard. Spent all his time with his freaky friends and occasionally got me food, when it suited him. He left home often and I had to fend for myself, while he chased his little 'Darkness' all over the place. Then he disappeared for good one night. I'm guessing you had something to do with it."

Boy, wasn't she blunt.

"Yeah…I kinda ripped his heart out and The Darkness ate it."

That got her to laugh.

"Not surprised. So what brings you to this hellhole? If you want his artifacts and notes…I'd be willing to share. I've been just playing around with magic a bit. Wanted to fix over Paulie, but you got to him first. So…what now?"

"Listen, apparently your dad had something to talk with ghosts, things that could get past The Angelus."

She nods.

"Yeah, I think I might know what you're talking about, Jackie. Or do you prefer Don Estacado?" she said, hips cocked, and eyes firmly placed 45 degrees over my head.

Jesus Christ, what a smartass.

"Let's skip the formalities, Sara. I'm here because of The Brotherhood. I'm here because right now, because of everything they did, The Angelus got free reign over my girlfriend's soul."

"My dad cockblocked you?"

I actually laugh. That's terrible. It shouldn't be funny, but I'm laughing.

"Ha…ha…Look, this is serious."

"Hey, cool it, Brando. I've got this covered."

She pulls the steps to the attic down from the ceiling and that's when the Darklings attack.

I pull the pistols I got for my 21st birthday out of my coat. Sara grabs a repeater off the wall.

"Alright, Estacado, stand back. I've got some serious daddy issues to deal with."

She smirks.

Man, I have GOT to get this girl a job.


	8. House

Family is a funny thing. And I don't just mean The Family, but that is part of it. You hear always that family are the guys who stick with you to the end, and all that. That's both true and false. It's not always your main family that sticks by you. Like Uncle Paulie. You know, I would have been THANKFUL if he'd just been a deadbeat dad who skipped out on me. That'd be better than what he was. My father died. I killed my uncle. My true family? Jenny. Aunt Sarah. Jimmy the Grape. Vinnie. Dolfo. All those guys. And I've lost far too many of them…

My pistols flash, the barrels spewing purple Darkness smoke. My bullets find their way through the Darklings. I can tell The Darkness doesn't care about losing minions. These were stolen from it, drained. Actually, this helps it—it gets whatever it lost back now.

Sara's not doing badly. She's at least used a gun before. Three more Darklings bite it from her shots, followed by a fourth who tried to sneak up on her.

I blow one away dropping from the ceiling and use a tendril to shred another.

_OH yes JACKIE. THE POWER IS MINE._

Well, at least it's happy for now.

Eventually, we blow through the rest of them, and head up to the attic. There's a vague stench of blood in the air…and a shit ton of air fresheners.

It kinda looks like the end of _Raiders of the Lost Ark_. There are crates everywhere. Thank God Sara knows where she's going. She leads me down to the end of the attic and pulls out a small wood box.

"This is it, hotshot. There should be instructions with it or something. I don't know. I never really talked with my father at all."

Ouch. This girl's had it rough. I mean, at least Paulie talked to me, even if he was an asshole. And I had Jimmy, and Aunt Sarah, and all the others…

I turn to face her.

"Hey. Sara. You haven't got anybody left, right?"

She just shakes her head sadly.

"Thanks for reminding me…" she says bitterly.

"What are you gonna do?" I ask.

She flings her hands up.

"I don't know. Overdose on coke and die, maybe. Or else get shunted off to some rich, entitled fuck with no sense of priorities."

It's almost scary how much that nearly described me, but I figure I'll give my plan a shot.

"Listen, Sara. I know you hated your father. Thing is though, he's left me in a rather inconvenient place, and if I don't work through some of the crap he's left me dealing with and get a better understanding of The Darkness, I'm going to lose the one thing in my life that made it worth living. How would you feel about a job, Sara? You'd be paid a hell of a lot better than the average young woman working at Burger King. And it beats an internship."

She looks at me, a mixture of hope and her world-weary sarcasm looking back at me.

"Look, Corleone, I'll take it." She snarks at me. "But just making sure—this won't lead to my arrest or me ending up in a situation where I can never leave, right?"

She's a smart girl. She's probably seen _The Godfather_ a few too many times.

Who am I to judge? I've seen it five hundred times, probably.

"No records. No arrests. No binding contract. Just a job and a new shot at life, Sara."

She grins.

"When do I start, Mr. Estacado?"

"Right now."


	9. Urban Legend

I'm not a very good person. I'm willing to admit that, and it's a fact I have to face every day. But that doesn't mean I don't believe in second chances. If someone's willing to take it, that is. Second chances are rare things among criminals. But that doesn't mean they don't exist. Strictly speaking, I'm not doing Sara any favours. This is going to be hard work, and it's going to go dark, unpleasant places. But now she's going to have people there for her. She's been to dark, unpleasant places before. Hell, she lives in one. But I'll be damned twice over if I can't help her out.

I set Sara up in a modest office with Johnny Powell working nearby. I figure the two supernatural geeks will hit it off after a while. They can hopefully get that device working. I'm not one for magic, but I know it's not complete, because when we tried getting it to work it set Johnny's desk on fire and covered me in ooze. In the meantime, I've got to try contacting Jenny again. But the list of crap I have to get…

One chicken egg, okay, that's easy. Powdered silver? That's harder, but I'm sure some cheap rings from a pawn shop would do if I ground them up. 32 grams of wolfsbane? REALLY?

Okay, fine, there are easier ways. One of which involves a mirror. But I have to use it in a place of great emotion and solitude. Somewhere where I could feel real emotions and not just the casual fits of pleasure and mild annoyance of the typical New Yorker.

So that's why I'm currently sitting in the burnt-out wreckage of the orphanage, on a floor that's a dark mix of bloodstains and ashes, the smell of high explosives never having quite left. The wind whispers through the corridors and in some buried part of me I half expect Mother Superior to chew me out for being out of bed.

Then I remember Mother Superior's probably all over the floor of this place, literally.

It's times like these where I wonder if I couldn't have picked a safer career, like skydiving.

The mood in the place is a real downer, I'm not gonna lie. It feels like hell in here…no, wait, that's not right. I've been to hell. They're similar, though. Both have this feeling of emptiness. Like all the happiness in my life, what little I had left, was sucked out of me. I'd do anything to avoid feeling it again…

But I have to. I have to do it for her. For Jenny…the only woman I ever loved.

I take the mirror, trying to find the best place for it. And then I realize where I am…

This is Jenny's old room. She kissed me for the first time, right outside here. Yeah, sure, the nuns didn't like us getting too close. But…even the most fundamentalist sisters didn't seem to mind that day. It had been one hell of a bad day for me, and that kiss was the only thing that got me through it.

I think about her kiss. Now, it tastes like ashes.

I place the mirror up on the wall, just below where the fires have burned a cross into it. A holy symbol for the added power of faith, coupled with powerful emotions—love, fear, and anger.

"Jenny…I sit here in your memory. I need to speak with you. I come without fear. Please…if you can hear me…come talk to me."

I wait. The wind around me rushes like a hurricane, and then, finally, my hair stops blowing backward for a moment, and Jenny's face appears in the mirror.

"Jenny…" I speak, practically a sigh.

"Jackie…I miss you…"

Those words are like knives to me. It's not bad…it's in fact exactly what I want to hear, but…it hurts all the same because she's gone. And it's all my fault.

"Jenny…I know I'm no fuckin' good. But I promise…I promise I'll make it right…I promise I'll get you back, set you free…we're gonna be together again…"

I can't contain myself. I'm crying. It all just flows. In my memory, my 21-year-old self draws the 1911 and shoves it against his head.

"Shh…Jackie…I know how you feel…Stop punishing yourself. It's not your fault."

That just makes me cry even more. Shit, what's with all the crying? This isn't like me…

And then it hits me. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a month, I've been to hell and back, and I've had my heart metaphorically ripped out and stomped on. So it's only natural I feel like crap. I'm tired of feeling broken up. Tired of feeling like death's all I ever know…I really just ought to take my gun and—

"Jackie, no!"

Jenny's voice cuts through to me and I realize I'm two seconds from shooting myself. Something isn't right.

And that's when I feel warmth on my shoulders, venomous lips on my cheek, and a sigh in my ear.

_"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"_

The Angelus.

"Get out." I snarl at her. "This doesn't concern you. I'm just trying to have a little last bit of happiness before you ruin my life completely, you know? Does being "Order" and "Light" also make you a total dick with no concern for anyone's feelings? Because you know, you are a first-class bitch. You're the kind of person the word "cunt" was invented for."

She just laughs that same smug little laugh she always does. The fact that the laugh is coming from my girlfriend's shape really doesn't help matters.

"Very well, Jackie. It seems my attempts had no effect."

She flies off, leaving me alone with Jenny and my tears.

"I'm sorry, Jackie, I wish I could stop her."

"Jenny, I can't ask you to do anything. You've done everything a guy could ever ask for. You loved even a scumbag like me."

Her voice begins to soothe me as she speaks.

"Jackie, are you…worried about me?"

"Of course I am…it's just, there's this other thing…"

"What is it, Jackie?"

"The Angelus said…said you had a bad side, that she kept drawing all her sadism from it. That…that can't be true. It's not like you…"

"Jackie…she's been awakening things in me…things I didn't even know existed…she wants to hurt you, Jackie, and she'll do it anyway she can, no matter how low."

Shit. That isn't good. If The Angelus has found a way of bringing out…hold on. Her bad side…wouldn't that mean…

_"We TRIED to warn YOU JACKIE…"_

"Oh no…No…No…."

I grab the first Darkness tendril that comes out of me, and begin choking it.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER, YOU BASTARD?!"

I begin shooting it. I don't care what happens. It has to pay. It has to.

Another tendril comes around my neck, strangling me until it all goes black.

And that was the fifth time I died, or something.


	10. Raw Deal

Dying isn't a fun experience. It's kind of soul-crushing and actually pretty fucking terrifying. This is why I kinda shudder whenever I hear about some poor desperate teenager who blew their brains out. I did that once, and that was enough to make me never want to do it again. Imagine what that'd feel like for them.

Because let me tell you, the place you go is no fun at all. And it'll make you pray for your worst day. Because even your worst day is better than what awaits you in hell.

I wake up in a place I've been far too often. This hellhole. The Darkness's realm. Hell, or at least, something like it.

And there's The Darkness, all ready to begin a lecture.

"JACKiE, WE did NOT mean HARM!"

"So what did you mean, fuck-face? Did you mean to just give her a big fucking inconvenience?"

"LISTEN. We KNEW the ANGELUS would come for her."

"So you tried fucking her up so it wouldn't take her?!"

"We TRIED TO introduce CHAOS in her. BUT HER FAITH was UNSHAKEABLE. HER LOVE too PURE, too ORDERLY."

Shit…what if The Darkness really did have good intentions?

"I don't like it when you drag my girlfriend into things! Just like last time, when you got her killed!"

"WE THOUGHT it would make YOU STRONGER."

"You were fucking wrong!"

"IT ALSO served the PURPOSE of getting her AWAY from OUR FOE."

I can't believe it. This…this thing…had gotten the one love of my life killed…to cover its ass.

"FUCK YOU!" I scream at The Darkness. "FUCK YOU! I'm tired of being your puppet! I'm tired of seeing everyone I know and love DIE for you! You sick, selfish, self-aggrandizing piece of shit! I don't care if you made me stronger! You think I ASKED for this?! And don't even TRY to play the "you killed Uncle Paulie" card. You saved me ONCE. JUST ONCE. Every other time you've fucked me over! And you expect me, in that warped, twisted, black little heart of yours, that I'll worship you?!"

The Darkness is silent for a moment.

"Jackie…PERHAPS we OWE an apology…WE ARE not OVERLY concerned with HUMAN EMOTION. It is BEYOND our UNDERSTANDING. SUFFERING is our FOOD. THAT is ALL WE KNOW."

I get up from my seat on the floor.

"I don't know if you're lying, Darkness. I don't frankly care anymore. But understand this. I'm a human being. I'm not just some slave. I'm not a horse you can ride, or a dog you can put on a leash. If there's any animal I'm like, it's a cat. I'm a snarky motherfucker who sits around eating your food and not caring about your plans. And I spend all my free time with my girl. So you know what? Let's establish some ground rules."

"YOU CANNOT be SERIOUS!"

"Try me. Either you play by my rules, or you lose your host, your plans, and your war with The Angelus. Because being dead would be better than being your bitch."

"You DRIVE a HARD BARGAIN, JACKIE. VERY WELL. State YOUR TERMS."

"Alright. You're gonna help me get Jenny back. And when you do, you're not touching her unless I say so of my own free will. You don't get to hurt her, kill her, or make her your puppet. And you don't get to control me to make me break those rules. In exchange, I help you fight The Angelus. I said fight, not destroy. Because I'm a balanced man, and I'm sure as hell not living in a world where I can't see shit."

The Darkness makes a sound that I can only assume is a sigh.

"VERY WELL."

"So, uh, do I get to go now, or are we gonna start playing charades and 20 Questions?"

"YOU will RETURN. YOUR FRIENDS miss you ALREADY."

"Boss? Boss?! Oh, thank God! Boss! We thought we'd lost you!"

Vinnie's panicking as usual, and I don't blame him. I'm back in my room, lying on my bed.

"How long was I out?" I groan.

"Uh…three days. The new kid told us where you'd gone, and so, we raced to save you. Figured you got jumped by that Angelus thing again. Or a support beam gave way. I know you're tough, Boss, but we don't take risks if we think you've been hurt."

Man, I love the Family.

"Ok, Vinnie. I'm gonna need a few things. First off, a cold glass of water and some aspirin. Secondly, I need you to put on _The Godfather_ for me. I just got out of hell again, and I'm too sore to move."

"You got it, Boss."

I pause.

"Oh, and one more thing, Vinnie?"

"Yes, Boss?"

"Make sure Johnny Powell doesn't bother me unless it's super important. Hell, if it is, just have him put it in writing and I'll read it. And make sure Sara reads it too. She's better at this supernatural shit than me."

Jimmy the Grape sets up the TV in front of me, not able to resist a quip of his own:

"That's pretty funny coming from a man of your repertoire, Jackie."

I shrug, and laugh. My ribs then ache.

"Screw you, Angelus."

Those are the last words I say before Nino Rota's score carries me off peacefully into a state of pure bliss.


	11. Alone in the Dark

Have you ever been under pressure? I don't mean like, forgetting to do a 300 word paper and doing it in the few hours before class. Hell, why am I saying that? I never went to college. But I digress. What I mean is…well, imagine you got called up and told the love of your life was in danger and if you didn't comply with their demands, they'd die. That's what my life is like right now, only there're two people calling me off and on—The Darkness and The Angelus. I mean, sure, The Darkness got the law laid down by me, but who knows how long that'll last? That's what scares me. I might be able to talk a big game, but I know I've got a very real risk of dying. And maybe, just maybe, The Darkness will stop bothering with me…and I'll never get to see Jenny again.

When I wake up the DVD menu has been looping for near an hour, and it says _The Godfather Part III,_ which tells me I must have gone on autopilot and had Vinnie screen the whole damn trilogy. I feel a tiny bit better, which means I feel like a Mack truck hit me instead of a freight train. I'll say this for both The Darkness and The Angelus—after dealing with either, you feel half-dead. My mind is buzzing with ideas, images, and sensations. The first order of business, though, is to hit the showers. One relaxing, steam-filled shower later, my mind's firing on all cylinders and ready to tackle the next supernatural threat headed my way.

I put on my best suit. It's my battle armour. Hey, if I'm going to take on primeval forces, I want to look damn good doing it. Of course, for the serious stuff, The Darkness will cover me, but the thought's what counts.

When I get downstairs I find Sara waiting for me with Johnny in tow.

"Got some good news, Boss," Sara says, smirking. "Of course, there's bad news too. Which would you like to hear first?"

"The good news, Sara. Got enough bad shit in my life already."

"Well, the good news is, we've found one of the keys that activate my dad's magic ghost walkie-talkie."

"Keys…okay…so what's the bad news?"

Sara smirks.

"It's in an abandoned subway said to be inhabited by monsters, and probably ghosts as well."

I grin.

"I'm a monster. I ain't afraid of no ghost."

Johnny twitches a bit before handing me some papers.

"What's all this?" I ask.

"It-It's a map, Jackie. It'll t-tell you where to start looking. There's also a list of useful things to say when you encounter a ghost so you don't piss it off, as well as a picture of what the key looks like."

I sigh.

"I take it there's not an easier way of doing this?"

Sara twitches an eyebrow.

"Got ten years and four virgins to sacrifice?"

"Scratch that."

She laughs a bit at that, and so do I.

"Alright, so who should I take with me? A few hit squads, right? Will bullets do anything to these creatures if we meet with any trouble?"

"They should, but, well…just be thankful it's dark down there, okay?"

Those words inspire immense amounts of confidence in me. I think the last time I felt this kind of confidence was looking at the bomb my uncle left me at that construction site two years ago. Sara's got a point, though. I'm packing some serious firepower of my own.

So two hours later, I find myself with a bunch of my toughest made men in an abandoned subway. The power's been shut off, which means no third rail frying us, but it also means no light except for whatever they're packing. It doesn't bother me. I'm stronger in the dark. I can see in it, too. But these guys? They're the best hitmen a guy could ask for, but they're only human.

I scout ahead, taking three of them as point men. I'd never hide behind my troops. It's called the Family for a reason. I'm not like my rat bastard of an uncle. I'd take a bullet for any of these guys, and make sure to get back at whoever fucked with them.

I feel something in the shadows.

Now listen, I'm not a jumpy guy, by any means. People have told me I've got nerves of steel and balls to match, but lately, when I feel shit in the darkness, I worry.

Because when even The Darkness can feel something wrong, you know you're in for hell.

Fangs gleam in the shadows, and rats scurry around in swarms. I grip my automatics tightly.

Just then, our lights go out.


	12. Macbeth

You know, as a kid, the dark used to scare the shit out of me. I kept, y'know, hearing shit in the dark, sounds like whispers, like voices that weren't right. Eventually, I grew up…and discovered people could be a lot fucking darker. And then I died…and I learned I had a really good reason to be afraid of the dark.

Because what was lurking in the dark was me…and the dark itself.

My men are screaming in agony.

That's all I can hear. Screams. But they're amplified. You know those fucking annoying "screamer" videos those douchebag kids send each other nowadays? It's like that. My ears feel like they're gonna burst. I can feel The Darkness putting itself over my ears like earmuffs. At least it cares about my hearing.

I see all around me, all these fucking shadowy demon things; they're tearing my men apart. I empty my guns into them. I howl in a berserker fury as I shred them to ribbons. I grab a demon and blow half its head off. I empty gunfire into them for what seems like hours, but is probably only a minute. I stop, letting my guns cool, as the last of them hits the ground.

That's when The Darkness moans.

_Jackie…YOUR SAVAGERY…IS…unexpected…_

"Yeah, well it serves you right, killing my men like that!"

_Jackie? We DID NOT kill them. THERE'S NOTHING HERE._

"Wait…if there's no one here, then what—"

My blood runs cold.

There, splattered across the subway tunnel, are my men. No demons. No Darklings. Just me and my men.

Jesus Christ…I killed them all.

I feel my heart shatter. I drop to the ground. I try lifting the guns to my head, but I can't. They're too heavy.

And then, icy, spiteful laughter echoes in my skull.

"SHOW YOUR FACE, YOU SPITEFUL BITCH! YOU WANT ME, YOU CAN SUCK MY—"

My mouth is closed forcibly, and she appears, laying one slender finger against my lips.

 _"Naughty boy. "_ The Angelus coos, batting Jenny's eyes in mock seduction.

"WHY?!" I scream, anguished.

 _"You reap what you sow, ratface. Didn't the Sisters teach you anything?"_ she mocks.

I get mad enough to grab her and throttle her. I feel Jenny's soft skin, barely hid beneath her cold, unfeeling armour. My hand is around her throat, and all she does is smile.

"You fucking murderer! You can't spin that as a 'good deed.' You can't! You made me hallucinate and kill my friends when I thought I was saving them!" I scream.

I can't take it anymore. I've lost all will to go on. I break again. I just shiver on top of her.

The Angelus flings me aside, and The Darkness wraps me up, one tendril quietly grabbing a small object and slipping it into the shadowy folds of its armour.

_"Your evil actions will always bring suffering. The Darkness cannot be used for good. You are a being of chaos and you did not deserve Jenny. You had no right to have her. She's safe and warm with me now."_

I rise to my knees.

"Fuck. You. First of all, you're right! Maybe I didn't deserve to be with Jenny! Maybe I am a horrible person! But here's something you don't get. Jenny's not some prize to be won. Jenny's not a fucking carnival game. But you seem to act like this is. You're rigging everything, you're trying desperately to hold onto her like a giant, cheaply made stuffed animal, and you have no clue how humanity works. You're right! I'm a rat bastard, and I always have been. But I've got standards. Decency. Compassion. Shit you'll never understand. Humans aren't black and white! It's always one or the other with you, and that's why you'll never deserve to be with her. That's the key difference. People are people. You don't understand them. I don't know where you fit in with the celestial hierarchy, and frankly I don't give a flying fuck, but let me tell you something. I know you aren't God, and I'm not taking orders from you. We were born with choices. And it's with those choices that we end up good, evil, or neither. No one's purely good or evil, not even you. Because you aren't a force of good. You're a force of order. Order and chaos aren't good and evil. They can be either. And no matter how good your intentions, there's nothing good about making a man kill his own friends, or killing children to make a superweapon, or hell, most of the things you do! If you're going to be a force of good, then stop acting like you're infallible when you're clearly not! You're like, the equivalent of The Darkness for order, right? Well, The Darkness lies, kills, cheats, shit like that. But it's been used for good, too. I used to take advantage of my powers to retrieve things people lost on subway tracks. I avenged the murder of countless innocents who died when my uncle blew up an orphanage. No, I'm no saint. But neither are you."

The Angelus looks pretty pissed, but it seems to be genuinely considering what I'm saying. Look, I'm not the nicest guy, but I like to think I don't bullshit people. That shit's for Wall Street.

The thing wearing Jenny's face maintains a neutral expression.

_"I have things to consider, Jackie. In the meantime, perhaps…you should head home. Think things over. After all, I'll be seeing you again…very, very soon."_

In a flash of blinding light, she's gone.

I head home with a heavy heart. I drive the now-empty van by myself, and it hurts like hell. My guns lie cooling on the passenger seat. The mansion seems fifty thousand miles away. I drive like hell, but the cops don't seem to notice. Maybe nobody wants to fuck with me tonight, who knows. I don't know and I don't care. The mansion gates are soon in front of my eyes and the slide open for me. I sigh loudly as I park the van, and trudge my way into the elevator .

Jimmy's at the elevator when it opens up. He can always tell it's me, somehow. I asked him about it once, and he said it was just an old man's intuition.

This time, and not for the first time, he sees a battered, bloodstained wreck emerging, guns hanging limply from his hands.

"Jackie! Jackie! What's happened? Jackie?"

"I killed them. I killed them all. Johnny, Carlito, Al, Garcia, Tony, they're all dead. And I killed them."

"Jesus Christ, Jackie, that can't be right!"

"I was tricked, Jimmy. It was dark, our lights broke…and I saw demons attacking my men…I tried to save them…and then The Darkness says it hasn't done anything to my men…The Angelus…she…she…turned on the lights…and they were all dead, and their blood was on my hands…"

Jimmy's expression turned grave.

"The moment we can, we go old school on that thing. We hit it hard and fast. Did you get what you came for?"

I felt something smooth slide into my palm.

"What's this?" I ask.

Sara steps in, looking concerned.

"That's part of what we need, Mr. Estacado. You don't look so good…"

I shake my head.

"I'll be fine…I hope…I'll see you all in a few hours."

Ten minutes later I'm in the Jacuzzi, soaking away, trying desperately to think of something else.

When I close my eyes, I see Jenny…and she's crying over the bodies.


	13. The King's Speech

There's nothing in this world that feels quite like killing does. Some people say it's like sex. I wouldn't know. In any case, it's a feeling you'll never forget. It's a permanent decision, and before you pull the trigger for the first time you ask yourself if you can live with yourself if you do it. Afterwards, you either quit or never look back. I've killed many people. But all of them were enemies. This time…I turned the gun on my friends…thinking I was saving them. I've never felt anything really after a kill other than a sense of accomplishment, like I've furthered my goal or gotten rid of a real scumbag. But tonight…I shed Family blood, and while I didn't mean to…that don't mean it doesn't hurt.

I can barely summon up the strength to get out of the Jacuzzi when I'm done. My whole body is still shaking. My eyes close again, and Jenny's gotten up in the vision stuck in my mind. She's walking towards me. I drop to my knees. I wait for her to tell me off.

She never does.

Instead, she just lifts me up, gently. She pulls me close, kissing me and holding me tight.

"Oh, Jackie…I'm so sorry about everything…" she says.

"This is my fault…" I say, probably for the fiftieth time.

She just runs her fingers through my hair. God, I love it when she does that. It's like the most comforting sensation in my entire existence. I feel myself shake a little less.

"Jackie, there's a lot in our lives we can't control. Life is chaotic. It's crazy. It's strong and it's sudden, and it can be cruel sometimes."

"Hang on, isn't that Huey Lewis and the News you're quoting?"

"Dead on as usual, Ratface."

You know, that nickname doesn't sting coming from her. Coming from the real Jenny. Not that…thing…possessing her.

"I'll find a way to save you, Jenny. We'll be together again. I promise."

"Oh, Jackie…I believe in you. But, please, open your eyes…The Angelus won't let me see you for very long…"

I open my eyes and the world crashes back into reality. Yeah, it always sucks leaving a vision of her, but she's right. I've got to get moving and keep fighting. Just dreaming and wishing will get me nowhere. Luckily, I already have something she was guarding. If my intuition is correct, it's probably one of the four keys I need. I get out, dress quickly, and then meet the gang downstairs.

"Good news, Mr. Estacado," Sara begins. "It's one of the four keys. One down, three to go."

I nod. I look around at everyone, and it's pretty clear there's a horde of fucking elephants in the room, but no one wants to say anything. I can't say I blame them.

"Alright, everyone," I continue, "Everybody knows what happened last time, and so, just to keep you all safe, I'm not taking anyone with me next time. Or after that for that matter. I'm doing this solo. If anyone gets hurt in the field it should be me. I can heal, you can't. I also don't want to kill any of you by accident. The Angelus fights dirtier than any of us, and I'm not willing to lose another Family member to her."

Vinnie and Jimmy look pained.

"Vinnie, Jimmy. Listen, you're the two greatest advisors a guy could ask for. That's why your place is here. You can still protect me when I'm not going for a key or an artifact. If I'm just going for lunch or something in the daylight, no powers, you can tag along. But I'm not losing you to supernatural bullshit. That's my prerogative. Also, all of you—I want a funeral for those men and reparations paid to their families and I expect everyone to attend. They deserve a proper burial and that. The subway should be safe now that that artifact's gone. I'll get Butcher Joyce to collect the bodies so I can have them buried. And Jimmy, make sure you get some nice fuckin' caskets, because last time, the guy screwed us and the hinges broke. "

"I'll get right on that, Jackie. Anything else you need?"

Good old Jimmy's right on the ball as usual. I smile.

"Take Sara shopping for some body armour. Johnny too. I also recommend getting Vinnie to train them in firearms. Sara's pretty good so far, but with some fine-tuning she'd be one hell of a sharpshooter. While I don't want to get you guys all in on my private little war, I also want to make sure you can at least put up a fight if it comes down to that."

There's a nod of assent among the crew. Good. Everything's going according to plan. In any case, now it's time for a speech. I don't normally like preaching to people, but every once in a while I indulge myself by making a speech. Maybe I've seen too many gangster movies, but I just can't resist sometimes.

"Gentlemen, and…lady…today marks the beginning of a new period. We are, for lack of a better word, at war. The Brotherhood is gone. But we have a new threat. The Angelus. Think The Darkness, but made of light and with a nasty messiah complex. We can't kill it. We can't harm it. It's got Jenny's body and soul, and I made a promise to get both of them back before it's Judgment Day a few centuries early. The Angelus is irrational. But at the same time, we can't win guns blazing. We're going to have to take risks. We're going to have to try all kinds of paranormal shit. People may die. Some already have. There will be a lot more pain before we're through. I'll do my best to keep you off the frontlines. But if it comes to it, we will stand and fight. I, for one, am not going to let the world end. Who's with me?"

There's a resounding cheer from the men, and Sara.

"In the meantime," I continue, "you all get some rest. Whatever I've assigned, it can wait for now. Get some downtime. Have a good meal, watch a movie or something, and then sleep. I'm sorry I got you all dragged into this mess."

"Don Estacado?" One gunman asks.

"Yes, Antonio?"

"Whatever's going on, I'm with you all the way. Come hell and high water, if need be."

A smile crosses my face.

"Hopefully it won't come to that, but thanks, Antonio. Tell the wife and kids I said hi."

I dismiss them, and head back upstairs to my office. The darkness of the room is comforting. I light Jenny's candle again before gently putting on her music again. I let the movie soundtracks play well off into the night, the sounds of New York traffic calming me down. New York…what can I say about it? Manhattan is a beautiful, ugly, warm, cold contradiction in terms, and God help me, I fucking love it. I love every single inch of this concrete island. I love the honking cars, I love the steel and glass maze of skyscrapers, and I love the sound of squealing tires, gunshots, footsteps, swearing, road rage, and loud music. I love everything about this city.

Except for the Hudson River. Fuck you, Angelus.


	14. State Fair

Memories are funny things. Sometimes, you've got a memory so powerful you can't help but fuckin' relive it whenever you think about it. My memories work like that too. Except, I tend to just openly hallucinate. Hunting for these keys is bringing back a lot of memories, and I'm not so sure how I feel about that. Because re-living these moments hurts. Every time I see Jenny's face my heart feels like it's being torn out. Sometimes I just imagine what The Angelus is doing to her and I just want to scream and blow something apart. I know, I know. I can't let it get to me. But let me tell you something. If I don't fight for her, if I don't succeed, all I'll ever have of her is memories…and a bitter, empty place in my cold, dead heart.

"It's WHERE?!" I exclaim, loud enough to make the chandelier shake.

Sara leaps back.

"Easy, Mr. Estacado! All I said was Hellgate Field…"

Vinnie leans in and whispers in her ear. A moment later she looks horrified and begins apologizing.

"Oh shit, Mr. Estacado, I'm sorry, I didn't know…"

I just wave it off with my hand.

"You couldn't have known. I don't mind, it's just…yeah…that's one of the places I went before I died again."

"Are you sure you wanna go, boss?" Vinnie asks. "You know how you feel about that place…"

I shake my head.

"Vinnie, I'm going solo on this. I swore I wouldn't let anyone else get hurt. Look, if I can survive going there while under fire from over a hundred Brotherhood cultists, I have a feeling I can deal with a little nostalgia."

So after much debating I head over to Hellgate Field. After I go through the secret entrance Jenny and I always used to sneak in, I take a look at my surSroundings. The place is still riddled with bullets from my shootout not so long ago. Somehow, walking through, past all the shattered lights, all the broken signs, makes me feel pretty empty. Even the memories I dread so much aren't coming. Instead, all I can remember is the last time I was here. I remember the fury, the pain, the sorrow. I could see the fear in their eyes when the life drained from them. I was an angel of death, cutting down cultists by the dozen, screaming in pure hatred from everything they'd done to me. The Darkness drank deep in their suffering, but I felt very little pleasure from it.

It wouldn't change any of the shit I'd failed at. I'd failed Jenny. I'd failed Aunt Sarah.

I force the thoughts from my head. Feeling guilty won't help me fix anything.

I take a look at the directions Sara gave me.

"Hey. Mr. Estacado. If I was a paranormal delusional cultist sociopath, or a complete idiot with no idea how magic worked and just thought it looked cool, where would I put it in an amusement park? Hint: It's not the Ferris wheel."

I figure it's the dark ride, The Chamber of Torture. Fun little ride. Slightly less fun when it's full of cultists trying to kill you, but I digress. Jenny and I used to go on here all the time…Christ, there I go thinking about Jenny again. I love her dearly, and I'm doing this for her, yes, but that doesn't mean I want to be thinking about her right now.

I step in through a service entrance, forcing it open. I grab an Uzi lying on the ground next to a decaying cultist. This place fuckin' reeks of death. There's a switch to turn on the safety lights in the attraction. I pull it, reasoning that if I need to all I have to do is shoot out the lights. I hate working in the dark, and if it's totally bright the Darkness weapons any cultist freak might have won't work.

And that's when the machinery springs to life anyway. Terrific. Last thing I need is to—

Spikes shoot out of the attraction, damn near impaling me.

I swear if I get out of here alive, I'm buying this shithole and having it torn down.

Nah, I'm too sentimental for that. I'll have these spikes dulled though. Seriously, who thought making them ACTUALLY SHARP would be a good idea?

I get a Lightkiller darkling to get the power shorted out. It's been a while since I called one up, because I don't like using The Darkness too much, but I need it to stay down. I run through the attraction, and find the cauldron. Thankfully for my nerves, the damn jump scare has already activated, and I find myself looking into the various skulls.

You know, I hate admitting it, but this place still creeps me out. I mean, not in the same way it did when I was a kid and sneaking onto it, but well…ever since I got The Darkness, I've come to dread places full of skulls and shadows. Knowing that I AM that isn't any comfort—it makes it worse. Yeah, I'm a bastard and I've got no reservations about blowing a guy's head off if he deserves it or gets in the way of business—but I have standards about who I kill. The Darkness doesn't, and that's what scares the ever-loving shit out of me. The idea that deep down, I am a monster, and there's nothing I can do about it. Heh. Funny, isn't it? I'm doing soul –searching and self-examination like I'm about to confess to the damn resin corpses in this place. Why hello, Padre Impaled Corpse. Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

Being Catholic is still part of my life. I've just kind of lost track somewhat of my moral code.

That's when I see it, clenched in the thing's mouth. I look around for a minute, readying my gun. I've seen _Raiders of the Lost Ark_ , and while I don't expect a giant boulder, I know that anything gold and powerful sitting in the open stands a pretty good chance of being booby-trapped.

I take a closer look at the key and sure enough, someone's stuck a tripwire in the skull's jaw. I stand back a few feet to the side, and slash it with a Darkness tendril. Sure enough, it's trapped. A hidden pendulum swings, and an axe blade comes down, bisecting the prop skull. As if for good measure, two shotguns hidden in the wall go off too.

Say what you will about the Brotherhood, but they do NOT skimp on traps.

I return and grab the key hanging from the prop corpse.

"How now, Yorick? Why so chop-fallen?" I quip.

Yeah, I saw _Hamlet_ once with Jenny. Sue me.

I look for an emergency exit, and sure enough, there is one. I'm not about to walk through the rest of the ride. I don't need to see if the Brotherhood left any more surprises. Besides, there're most likely just corpses ahead.

Opening the door, I step out into the cool air. There's a beautiful starry sky outside. I remember some nights, Jenny I used to stargaze. I'd lie on my back on a hill while she rested her head on my chest, safe and warm. I'd run my fingers through her hair and pray to God it could stay that way forever.

I know I'm a piece of shit, God. But did Jenny have to die? Couldn't you have taken me?

I mean, I'd hate to leave her alone…but…what if there was someone better for her? What if, all along, I was wrong?

_"What a beautiful night, Jackie."_

I can't whip the SMG into her face quickly enough.

"Angelus."

_"Relax, Jackie. I didn't come looking for a fight. Not tonight."_

"Why are you here? Can't you leave me alone?! I'm miserable enough as is…I don't need your help…"

She cocks her hips a bit, flirting as always, but she isn't as cold tonight, for whatever reason.

_"Jenny has needs too, Jackie. I've come to let her enjoy a past memory. She misses you, Jackie. But I don't want you seeing her. You were wrong for her."_

"That's a subjective fucking point of view. What does she think?"

_"She loves you. She says she does, at any rate."_

I lower the gun.

The Angelus slaps me across the face.

_"That's for breaking her heart."_

"Ok! Ow! Geez! I'm SORRY! There was nothing I could do…I wanted to stop The Darkness. But I couldn't."

_"You used it. You gave it power. Power will destroy you and your soul. And you didn't have much of one to begin with."_

"Did you ever see _Scarface_?"

_"I tend to keep myself from base mortal entertainment."_

"God, you are such a fucking hipster."

_"No, I'm just better."_

"That's something a hipster would say. Anyway, _Scarface_ is a fucking great movie about a guy named Tony Montana. He becomes a coke dealer, and he gets in with all the wrong people. He's a bad seed, a real piece of work."

_"I can see why you like it."_

"Shut up. Anyway, though, he's got two rules: one, don't fuck with his sister; and two, never kill innocents. And he's so dedicated to those two rules that he ends up basically digging his own grave because he won't break rule two. He's a cockroach of a human being. He's a bad guy, he even says as much. But he's got honor, standards, and serious balls, and that's what makes him tragic."

_"Jenny liked watching movies with you, didn't she?"_

"She did. You know, the last thing we ever did together, before she was murdered…we watched _To Kill a Mockingbird._ There are nights, still, where I wake up, feeling her arms around me, and feeling her heartbeat next to mine. I loved her, Angelus. I loved her, and I let her down. I know that. Listen, I might be the host for The Darkness…but that doesn't change who I am, deep down. And I think it's the same for you. Deep down inside you, Jenny's still there. Jenny still loves and feels and thinks. And you don't know what to do. Because let's face it, your previous hosts were probably groomed for the role, right? Inquisitor types, Torquemada fangirls, cultists, nuns with serious attitude problems. Shit like that. Jenny's just a sweet girl from New York City. And that changes things."

_"It changes nothing."_

"You're half right. It doesn't change that you're inside her, no. It doesn't change that she's dead and it's my fault. But it doesn't change our love. And you might be old as fuckin' time itself, but you don't know jack shit about love."

_"Love is an emotion of chaos."_

"Funny fucking thing, ain't it? The Darkness is chaos, and all that shit you spew about being the good girl in all this comes off really fucking weird, doesn't it? What good is good if it can't feel love? God is love, at least, that's what the nuns said back in Sunday School before saying _Dungeons & Dragons_ would probably eat my soul. "

_"You're a funny man, Jackie Estacado. It seems the more you resist the idea that you are evil, the more fascinating you become."_

"People surprise you. Even here in the Big Apple."

_"I am about to do something that goes against my personal beliefs, but Jenny will not stop crying unless I do. Therefore, stand perfectly still so she can give you what she wants."_

I do so, against my mind's paranoid worries.

That's when The Angelus, hate missing from her eyes, pulls me into a warm kiss.

No, not The Angelus. Jenny Romano. Jenny Romano is kissing me just like she used to. I return it, putting my arms around her and holding her tight.

I want this moment to last forever. I want it to so badly. I know it can't, though. I know it's only a temporary respite, the calm before the storm.

She pulls away and my heart sinks.

_"Good evening, Jackie Estacado. I shall probably kill you in the morning."_

"Really? We're doing _The Princess Bride_ now?"

_"Jenny likes it."_

"My name is Jackie Estacado. You stole my girlfriend. Prepare to die."

She just laughs and flies off.

I didn't think my Mandy Patinkin impression was THAT bad.


	15. Fatal Attraction

The first thing you learn when you're in the Family is that TV is a load of bullshit. Nobody really gets the Family and how it works, except for _The Godfather._ That's about as accurate as it gets though, really. For starters, we're not good people. We're bad people who occasionally do good things and look out for each other. We aren't all evil, but we are bad. Uncle Paulie came pretty damn close to evil, though. What am I saying? He was a fucking monster. And I pray to God every day I won't turn out like him. Some nights, you know, I still see him holding a gun to Jenny's head. And every night, I try to stop him. I know I'll fail. I always fail, even in my dreams. But I've got that hope that I can save her…and it keeps me going.

Two pieces down, two to go. The two gold keys gleam as they twist into the box. Two more slots look out expectantly, waiting to be filled.

There's something on my mind. It's there, inevitable, inescapable, driving down like so much New York rain. It's a thought I've had a thousand fucking times. Jenny.

Jenny. Always Jenny. Always her smile, always her laugh, always her touch and warmth and the thousand things that made her _Jenny Romano._

**_"DAYDREAMING again, JACKIE?"_ **

The Darkness shocks me out of my thoughts. Actually, it shocks me out of the nice ones. The moment I hear its voice I remember the feeling of its tendrils around me as it held me like a puppet to watch Jenny die.

The gunshot echoes through my mind. There's a phantom ringing in my ears, and I feel every vibration of the bullet hitting her brain. Every aching tendon beneath The Darkness's cold, unfeeling grip.

"What the fuck do you want?!" I just explode at it.

**_"CALM DOWN, Jackie…"_ **

"Must be nice to not feel a fucking thing, you sociopathic son of a bitch."

The Darkness stays quiet for a few minutes. That`s pretty fucking rare, let me tell you. Usually when it`s like this it doesn`t shut up 'til I've ranted at it for a while.

I decide to break the silence.

"Hey…Darkness? Something's wrong, isn't it? I can feel it, can't you? Something about the way The Angelus was last night. It was different."

**_"Yes, JACKIE. IT was NOT TRYING to KILL YOU."_ **

"Nah, nah, I don't mean just that. I mean, it was like…it didn't know how to react. Like it was learning shit or something for the first time. Like something had changed it."

**_"WHAT are YOU TRYING to SAY, JACKIE?"_ **

"I'm just saying shit's getting weird. That's what I'm saying."

It says nothing.

I let it keep silent for once and I wander over to the table where I keep Jenny's picture and a candle. I light the candle and watch the flame dance idly in the New York air coming through the window.

Shit, I remember the last time I held her…it was just like this…

Well, ok, fine, I wasn't the Don, and I wasn't living in a glitzy mansion like this. It was just Jenny's quiet little apartment in a quiet neighbourhood.

I miss quiet. I miss her.

I miss being normal.

My thoughts are interrupted by a barrage of shotgun blasts, and a call of "Fuckin' flying rats!"

Dolfo must be using the pigeons for target practice again. I page Higgins, the butler. Yeah, it's kinda funny. I barely even remember having a butler some days, but we keep him around because he's kinda part of the Family, and well; no one else makes tea like he does, so he has his uses. I send him to go talk to Dolfo again.

It's not the first time, and I'm dead certain it won't be the last.

After about twenty minutes the shooting outside stops and I pitch back on my bed. My head's fuckin' spinning. It feels like forever since I've felt sane.

The radio crackles to life and "We've Only Just Begun" starts to play. I take the Stephen King novel on my bedside table and throw it, hitting the off switch.

_"Well, that was rude."_

Oh for fuck's sake…

I've heard that silky, sadistic voice all too often lately.

"Angelus."

_"Can you call me Jenny for once?"_

"You're not Jenny…you're like…you're like her obnoxious roommate or something."

_"Well, at least I'm not a 'cunt' anymore."_

"I'm feeling a bit better that you haven't tried to kill me lately."

_"I suppose that would be comforting to you."_

The tension in the air is so fuckin' thick I could slice it to ribbons with my Darkness tendrils. I'm not sure what to say. For once, I don't have words. It's Jenny's body but not her eyes. That glow…that bright, searing glow, haunts me.

"Are you going to kill me?" I ask, breaking the silence.

The Angelus gives a look of puzzlement for once. I've never seen it make a face like that. It runs its fingers through its hair; it slides away parts of its armour, baring more skin. It looks at me with softer eyes, desperate to understand.

_"You are a monster…you are everything I hate…but you're not…you're not like the others…it doesn't make sense! The Darkness is a force of chaos, of darkness!"_

"Yeah, gee, who'd have thought something called 'The Darkness' was dark?"

_"You know what I'm saying, Jackie. For centuries, I have left followers of The Darkness damned to hell, slaughtered in droves. Since the dawn of time I have fought against The Darkness. But…something…I don't understand is happening…Jenny's love…is stronger than I dreamed."_

"I told you. Humans will always surprise you."

_"I've got a surprise for you…"_

I suddenly start feeling nauseous, dizzy.

Did she poison me, or-?

"What…what the fuck?"

My head's swimming and though my vision's blurring, I see The Angelus sliding out of her armor, Jenny's body exposing itself.

_"I can't take it anymore, Jackie. I've got to have you. I need to understand…I need to satisfy her…"_

Before I black out, I feel her strong, but soft hands on my chest, slowly working their way down.

I can't scream, but I have a horrible feeling what's going to happen…


	16. I Spit On Your Grave

A long time ago, when I was getting an education from that fucker Uncle Paulie, I learned two things. One, the streets of the Big Apple are full of fun things to do. Two, some people have a really fucked up idea of fun. I ran into some guys, they were holding this girl down and doing all kinds of fucked up things to her. It turned my stomach and I got so pissed off I blew their brains out. Man, I was so worried Uncle Paulie would get pissed…he just laughed. Apparently they were business rivals, and he only regretted I didn't get a picture of the girl covered in their brains.

Uncle Paulie was a piece of shit, did I ever tell you that?

Oh my God. Oh my God.

What the fuck just happened to me?

I wake up, naked, aching, and bruised. Sweat and God knows what else is pouring off of me. Vinnie's at the window, packing an assault rifle. Dolfo's pumping a shotgun next to him.

I open my mouth to scream, but only blood pours out.

Vinnie hears me rise and he races over to me.

"Boss! Boss! Oh thank God! We thought you were dead!"

"I sure fucking feel that way…"

I take a look around and my head swims and throbs like I've got a hangover. The room seems to shake, and when I look at the foot of my bed I feel my heart sink.

My clothes are shredded and lying in a pile. Taking a cursory look at the rest of my body tells me all I need to know.

"CAZZO!"

Vinnie jumps.

I almost never swear in Italian. If I do, it means something is very fucking wrong.

"Jesus, Boss, what is it?"

"She raped me…The Angelus fucking raped me…"

There's an awkward silence. I slowly curl up into a ball as I fully realize the implications of what just happened. I want to just die right now. I can't shower enough.

Oh God. Oh God.

I take one tissue and wipe some of the fluid off my body, sealing it in a box nearby.

"Send this to Johnny Powell for analysis. I need to know if…I don't know, I just don't want divine syphilis or something."

I begin to shake again.

"Everybody…please…just…go. I need to be alone. And Vinnie? I want armed guards outside my doors and windows. Everyone on high alert."

"You got it, Boss. We're gone."

They all leave. The moment I feel it's safe, I start to cry. I haven't cried since Aunt Sarah's funeral. Okay, so that's not all that long ago, but I feel so dead and so old. So tired…so fucking tired…so done with life and everything…

I throw myself into the shower and let the water pour all over me, desperate to wash away The Angelus's love juices, desperate to wash away the stain she left on me. I can't. No matter how much I scrub, no matter how much soap I use…I'm stained…I'm marked…I'm unclean…

Pull yourself together, Jackie….

I drag myself out of the shower, throw on the cheapest, worst clothes in my wardrobe, and just lie back on the bed again. Shit, what am I going to do?

Then I hear a sound…

"Mister Estacado?" a voice asks.

"Leave me alone," I reply, not wanting to deal with anything.

It's Sara at the door…

"Mister Estacado, please…you saved me when this happened to me…"

Shit…she was right…this was pretty much how I'd found her. How I'd gotten to know her and be her friend, for as much as I could be one.

"Alright…stay…"

She doesn't take another step.

"Mister Estacado…you didn't do anything wrong. She raped you. But that doesn't make you weak or anything."

I sigh and I feel my body shake a little less.

"Look, thanks, Sara…but I still need to be alone for a while. I've got a lot of shit to sort out…"

I hear a small sound of acknowledgement, followed by her footsteps down the hall. I look over at a side table, and the box with Jenny's piercing in it is starting to glow…

I find myself reaching for my guns, but suddenly a soothing voice fills my ears.

"Jackie! Stop! It's me! It's really me, I promise!"

Jenny's ghost is standing in the room.

I shiver as another tear falls from my eye.

"Oh, Jackie…I'm so sorry…I…I could feel your pain the whole time The Angelus was on you…oh God…"

I say nothing. I want to, but I can't say anything. I'm numb. I'm voiceless. I feel like shit, and it shows on my face. My eyes still sting, and my body aches like hell. I feel scared for the first time in a long fucking time.

I feel something, or rather, feel a phantom of a feeling. Jenny's holding me, even if she can't fully touch me. I know it's just ectoplasm against my skin, but it feels warm and alive, as if she was really there. I calm down, slowly, but surely.

"Jenny—"

"Don't talk, Jackie…rest…please. I'm here. The real me. Your love."

I let sleep overtake me again and the last thing I feel is Jenny softly kissing me and brushing my hair.

Why did she have to die?


	17. The Dream Child

You know, there are a lot of people that think being the Don must be great. Some people think that it's a non-stop parade of money, power, and women. Thing is—it is. But that's WHY it sucks. Sure, I've got more money than most actors make in a lifetime. It doesn't make me happy. I have to worry about dealing with it, keeping it safe so I can pay my staff and keep the Family safe. Power? Power's a fucking joke. Power is what you say you have to make people think you're not as scared as you really are. Show me a powerful man and I can tell you every day he's scared shitless of what could happen to him. If he's not scared, he's either a fucking idiot or he's insane. Maybe both, like my late uncle. And as for the women…Look, until recently, I was a virgin. I was surrounded by hookers and hot girls my whole life. But none of them…none of them ever could hold a candle to Jenny. Other guys I knew were dreaming about the next roll in the hay with whatever girl of the week they had. Me? I was dreaming about our wedding day, Jenny and I…But now, she's dead, and that…that THING in her shape raped me. Oh God…Jenny, I never meant for any of this to happen…

Sleeping seems to have helped me. I'm soaked with ectoplasm when I awaken, so I know Jenny was cuddling me all night. God rest her soul. I don't know what I'd do without her.

Oh wait…yeah I do…

Life without Jenny has been hell. And even having her ghost around…well, that's something.

"Good morning, Ratface."

I spin around to face Jenny's ghost, lying in bed with me.

"Jenny? Oh thank God…"

"I can't stay here forever, Jackie, but she's giving me more time out…"

"Good…give her a piece of my mind for me, will you?"

Her ghostly eyes fill with sadness.

"Jackie…I'm sorry…"

"Don't be, this is not your fault…"

"Last time I was the one saying that…"

"Not last time for me…Frank said it…before he died. I'm beginning to think I can't protect anyone."

There's a fucking long silence before Jenny speaks. In that silence I hear a lot of things in my mind. I hear her last words. I hear gunshots. I hear screaming. I hear a hissing and movement of things in the shadows.

Jenny must hear it too, because she shivers.

"You know that's not true, Jackie. You've kept your family alive…"

I sigh.

"Aunt Sarah's dead. I could have prevented it. All I had to do was give them The Darkness…"

Jenny looks at me.

"But you did what you felt was right."

I think it over.

There's a fucking long silence before Jenny speaks. In that silence I hear a lot of things in my mind. I hear her last words. I hear gunshots. I hear screaming. I hear a hissing and movement of things in the shadows.

Jenny must hear it too, because she shivers.

"You know that's not true, Jackie. You've kept your family alive…"

I sigh.

"Aunt Sarah's dead. I could have prevented it. All I had to do was give them The Darkness…"

Jenny looks at me.

"But you did what you felt was right."

I think it over.

"No…you're right…I couldn't have left it in the hands of those fucks, not while you were a prisoner. Not ever. They'd have killed her anyway…but I stopped them from killing anyone else…"

Jenny purrs softly in my ear. Not the animalistic porn star moans that The Angelus has. This isn't faked, it isn't forced. It's soft, gentle, and real.

"What do I do now?" I ask, not really expecting an answer.

Jenny smiles at me, just before she fades away.

"Keep fighting, Ratface. It's the only way. I love you, baby…"

Somehow, it feels a hell of a lot clearer now. I end up falling asleep, feeling pretty spent with all that's happened lately.

I don't sleep well.

I keep feeling The Angelus's groping hands, her cruel, sadist's touch stripping me down over and over again. I can't feel a trace of Jenny in there at all in my dreams. When I see Jenny, she's crying. I feel disgusting even in my own dreams.

I feel like had something taken from me. More than my virginity, I mean. Like part of my power or something.

Then I see something that makes my blood run cold. The sight of The Angelus with a very noticeable bulge in her armour.

I walk over and she presses one finger to her lips, cooing softly.

_"Shh…the baby's sleeping…"_

I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart loudly pounding and the sheets tearing as The Darkness's armour grows over my body, all spikes and living shadow. My sheets are soaking. I get up, and walk to the window, looking into the moonlit night.

And that's when life decides it just can't give me a fuckin' break.

The Angelus, chest bare, is lying in my flowerbox, the guards below her knocked unconscious, and she's moaning.

_"Jackie…baby…mmmm…that was delicious…"_

I punch her in the face. I don't like hitting girls, but I'm totally out of my mind with anger, fear, and pain right now.

"You… _puta_ …" I curse.

_"I guess it wasn't good for you. I'm sorry, baby. I guess I was a bad girl."_

"YOU FUCKING GUESS?!"

She's actually shocked by that.

_"Why…? What did I do wrong? The other hosts—they…"_

I glare at her with the armour's glowing yellow eyes.

"Your other hosts were WILLING! When you take someone sexually, without consent, when you have to knock them out to get them to go along with it, that's rape!"

She still looks oblivious.

"You RAPED me. I feel like shit now, okay?! I was a virgin. I was saving myself for Jenny. But now…"

_"You still had Jenny's body…"_

"That's not the same! It wasn't her in control! So technically, you raped BOTH of us. You forced Jenny's body into sex, and then raped me with her. That's all kinds of sick and wrong."

The Angelus seems to feel a bit of guilt. Her breastplate reappears and she stops trying to flirt. She in fact looks disturbed…

_"Jackie…I'm pregnant."_

And that's when I realized I hadn't been dreaming.

Her stomach was swollen.

I was a father.

And my offspring, whatever it was…was probably not human.


	18. Boogeyman

I hate soap operas. I really do. I know that seems pretty out of left field, and believe me, it's not a topic that comes up much. But now…I feel like I'm fuckin' living in one. The Angelus, for God only knows what reason, decides to rape me and now suddenly I'm stuck with a semi-divine babymama that maybe still wants to kill me. She can't make up her mind about that. So now, I gotta deal with being a dad, being a target, and being the don of New York City. All while trying to find two more mystical keys to open a box so I can talk to my girlfriend. Ain't life fuckin' grand?

I take a long shower to push the thoughts from my mind; as much as I can, at any rate. I get dress in a blur, putting on something so ridiculously casual you'd think I was a kid at the local 7-11.

When I get downstairs, I find Johnny Powell, twitching nervously as usual.

As Vinnie is quick to tell me, Johnny Powell has spent the last five hours fainting from excitement while studying the…evidence…of what happened to me.

Glad somebody's having a good time. Or maybe not, seeing as right now he's scared shitless.

"Jackie! This really isn't good! If she's got your seed, your DNA…"

"She's pregnant already, Johnny. Spare me the hysterics."

Johnny faints again.

"Son of a bitch…"

I decide to have a good talk with Vinnie about security.

And that's when I remember human guards are useless against what's basically a sexier, control-freakier me.

Superpowers can be such a pain in the ass.

Ok, Jackie, I tell myself. Keep it together. You're the don. You can't just let things go to hell in a hand basket. Not now. Not when Jenny still isn't safe.

I take a deep breath and decide I need to get out of here. I need to just take a deep breath and forget all of this for now. One step at a time, Jackie. One step at a time.

I walk up to my closet and trade up my suit for a leather jacket and jeans. I put a fedora and sunglasses on and drive off in the cheapest car I own, which is still an upper-middle-class model Ford. I want to look inconspicuous. In this city, that's not too hard.

I hit the road and I don't look back. I don't tell anyone where I'm going. Jimmy'll know if he's remotely savvy about me. Hell, Vinnie'll have a search party out in two hours, I just know it…

Driving in New York City is fucking insane. You've got fifty billion taxis competing for road space like fleas on a mutt, and that's not even accounting for the road ragers fucking up the ride for everyone else. Add a pile of rush hour on top and you've got nothing good. But it's night. So the traffic is at a dead calm in the more withdrawn parts of the city. I press play on the CD player and the _Oliver & Company_soundtrack starts playing.

Shit.

Jenny was the last person to use this car. I remember…I let her borrow it the night she died…

Y'know, I've probably heard "Once Upon a Time in New York City" about fifty billion times, but it never loses its ability to cut me to my core. Still, I drive, nothing coming to my eyes. Maybe I've finally run out of tears to shed.

I remember long ago, being in a sketchy comic shop and reading some Japanese thing about a guy who cried like hell every time he killed someone because he was just a nice guy who was under mind control or something.

God, I wish that I was like that.

Frankly, I don't give a shit anymore, really. I still won't shoot an innocent and I won't shoot cops unless they're on the take, but…

God, if you're up there, please tell me…

What the hell did I do to deserve this life?

By the time I finish driving I don't even know where the fuck I am. The GPS fucks up, and I step out, parking on the side of the road near a small park. A young boy sits on a bench, kicking stones.

He looks up at me.

"Hey…ain't you that mysterious guy the papers talk about sometimes? You're really strong, I hear."

I shrug.

"Maybe. Why do you wanna know?"

He shows me a long scar on his neck.

"Something's under my bed, a monster or something. Mom doesn't believe me because she can't see anything, but she knows something's cutting me, but whenever she checks the mattress nothing's wrong."

I recognize the shape of the scars and feel a surge of anger and sickness.

"I think I know what did this…and I can kill your monster. No charge."

I follow the kid back home and his mother opens the door, sizing me up. I show her my business card and she recognizes me.

"Thank you." She says, simply.

"What for?" I ask.

"You're the one who took care of those lowlifes that were firebombing my house."

"Glad I could help. I'm here to do another favor, actually. Your son's scars…I believe I can deal with whatever's causing them."

"Well, if you can show him there's no monster…"

"I aim to, but I'll need him to be out of the room."

"Alright."

He gets called by his mother, and I walk into the room, and shut the lights off.

I then get on top of the bed, and sure enough something sticks its claws up over the bed…

And then it leaps back, startled.

It's a Darkling. I grab it by the throat.

"You like hurting kids, don't you?"

**_"So what if I do?"_ **

"I am your master. And you have failed me."

I break the thing's neck and reabsorb it.

Then, to reassure the mother, I take out a bent thumbtack I have in my coat.

"Well, here's your problem. Sometimes, people use thumbtacks to secure fabric. This one got caught in the middle of the mattress, and so it worked its way to the top every time he laid down, cutting him."

It's a lie, but it sounds way better than "part of the embodiment of all evil was lurking beneath your son's bed."

She sighs with relief before heading out for groceries.

I talk with the boy then.

"The monster's gone. He won't bother you anymore."

"Prove it."

I summon up the Darkling and talk with it.

"Hello. You've been a very bad monster. And you're not coming back here again. No more kids, ever. Are we clear?"

**_"Crystal, master…"_ **

The Darkling vanishes and I turn to the boy.

"Listen, your mom thinks it's a thumbtack that was cutting you. Let her think that. I'll tell you something. There ARE monsters out there. And some of them look like us, and some of them don't. Be a good kid. Stay out of trouble. Because the monsters like it when you're bad, it makes them stronger. You hate bullies, right?"

The kid nods.

"That's what all these things are. Bullies. You don't need to be like them."

He nods again and then looks worried.

"So…are you a monster? I can see something around you…"

I reveal The Darkness, and the boy shivers but doesn't look scared.

"I guess I am, kid. But I'm working on being good. I had someone very special in my life once. She was taken away. So kid…look, I've lost most of my loved ones. Treasure your mom. She cares so much for you."

"You seem sad…"

"I am…"

I can't stand feeling like this, so I break the tension by slipping him five dollars.

"Look, kid…go buy yourself some Pokémon cards or something. Have fun."

He smiles at me.

"Thank you! Say…are you like a superhero in training?"

I laugh a little.

"I could be."

"You really should give it a try. Big people like you who are strong need to use that to do good stuff."

I smile and thank him before waving goodbye.

Something cuts into me mentally as I walk back to my car.

_"This changes nothing, sinner."_

The Angelus?

Oh shit.


	19. Drive

You know, there's like a zillion movies about kids who run away from home, and they all meet some zany gang of misfits who they get along with but then they realize that something's wrong or something. It's almost always to a circus or something, and…

Jesus Christ, my life's a fuckin' circus. I don't need to run away to join one.

I've reached the bridge to Long Island when Jimmy and his boys get to me.

"Jesus Christ, Jackie! Stop running! I know it's a bad situation all around. But you think running will fix it? It won't, you know. Jackie, if you're going to save Jenny, then stop running and act like a grown man!"

I stop dead and sigh. Jimmy's right, of course. You don't get to be pushing 90 as a hitman by being wrong.

"Jimmy. Believe it or not, I do have something of a plan. It's a terrible fucking plan, but it's all I've got. I figure I do enough good, I prevent little miss sparkly psycho bitch from hurting me or Jenny."

Jimmy fixes me with an unimpressed look.

"Jackie, believe me, running around playing Superman is not going to help you."

I know that, deep down. Even the Angelus says it's pointless. But I want to just struggle. If I have to be damned to hell again I want to be damned at least with the knowledge I tried.

"What am I supposed to do? I can't just die again…I can't let the Angelus win."

"You don't have to. But think about it, Jackie. You doing this put a massive target on your back. What if the Angelus were to swoop down when you were in the middle of nowhere? You'd probably be fucked, kid."

Shit. I hadn't even thought of that. I didn't even have anything resembling proper defensive equipment. Not even Kevlar.

"Now come on, Jackie. Let's get back and work out a plan, just like old times."

It takes what feels like forever to get home. Jimmy's lecturing continues for a few minutes but he soon stops. I guess he feels browbeating me is unnecessary. The city lights whizz by as I drive. New York's beautiful by night; it's something I've always noticed.

And I notice something else. Warmth on my shoulder.

Maybe it's Jenny trying to let me know it's alright. Maybe I'm just going crazy. I don't know anymore. I want this all to stop. I want Jenny back, and I want to be at peace. No more phenomenal cosmic powers or whatever.

Just us…

And then, that's when reality goes out to lunch.

Jimmy stops lecturing…

"Yo. Jimmy, are you all there?"

No answer.

"Jimmy, what's wrong? Jimmy?"

And then, this horned motherfucker turns around, eyes full of malice and teeth glistening with blood.

**_"WHERE TO, JACKIE?"_ **

Before I black out, all I hear is laughter and the engine roaring.


	20. Speed

I have a confession to make. I regret almost nothing, honestly. I don't mind killing people. I dunno if that makes me bad or not. But you know what? I don't want people to have to die unnecessarily. And people die unnecessarily around me all the fuckin' time. And I'm fuckin' sick of it. I'm sick of all of it…

But would I do anything to make it stop? I don't know. I really don't.

**_"Hello, Jackie. Welcome home."_ **

I wake up in some shadowy room, the smoke around me curling over me. I'm sitting in some leather-backed chair. And that horned freak is staring into my soul.

**_"Finally awake? Good. We've got a lot to discuss."_ **

"We ain't discussin' shit. Fuck you."

**_"Now, now, I'm just trying to make you an offer. It's an offer you can't refuse, I'm afraid. At least, you'd be a fool to refuse it. Sorry. I forget this family stuff is rather touching for you, isn't it, Don Estacado? I mean let's face it, you've had a terrible life. A deadbeat dad. A wicked stepfather. And your poor, dear sweet Jenny's brains blown out all over a warehouse floor. A terrible, terrible life. And who's next? Jimmy? Vinnie? We don't know. So I have a proposal…"_ **

"No. No deals. Not with you. Not with anyone. I'm through gambling with the lives of others!"

And that's when he decides to break me. He picks me up and throws me down and chokes me.

**_"You stubborn motherfucker. Too goddamn proud aren't you?! Just let me show you what you could have. Let me show you."_ **

I see a home life with Jenny. Two beautiful children. My friends all alive and healthy. Everything is perfect. No more murder. No more death. It's peace. It's everything I've ever wanted. But I know something's up. It's never that easy. Nothing is. And these supernatural fucks are the worst. They say all the right things.

**_"You could have all of it, Jackie…just say yes to me. Just give up on this whole mission and take the easy way. Why hurt yourself more?"_ **

It's tempting. It really is. But I know I can't afford to give in. It's going to be slow torture if I just let this go on longer. Best to just tear off the bandage and get the pain over with.

"Fuck you. I don't have to do shit for you. And if I get hurt…so be it."

**_"Suit yourself, asshole."_ **

I crash hard back to reality in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge, just as a semi nearly takes my goddamn head off.

Some mornings, it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.


	21. The Last Temptation

By the time I finally make it back home, I realize just how alone I am. Not that it would make joining the bad guys right. I'd still be alone as ever, just in a different way. No, I have to go with what I'm doing now, no matter how much it hurts me, no matter how much I don't want to.

Because I want her…

I want Jenny, and if I have to do it the hard way, so be it.

I can barely stand, honestly, so I don't even try. I collapse onto the nearest couch and try to catch my breath. It's pretty tough getting around New York in a haze, and truth be told, I have absolutely no clue how I did it. Maybe life felt like cutting me a break for once. I sure as hell earned it. In any case, this wouldn't be the first morning I've stumbled into my mansion looking half-dead and collapsed. Honestly, it's a good thing I can trust everyone in my organization or else by this point I would have been killed and replaced.

Then again, seeing as anyone who pulls a gun on me tends to get a face full of fangs and shadows, it's probably considered suicide to even think of betraying me. Sometimes I hear other criminals spout all kinds of rumors about what I can do. I especially like the suggestion that I personally killed the devil and now sit on his throne in hell. In one way, it's made my job easier—nobody professional really wants to be the guy to piss off the devil mobster. On the other hand, it means there's a hell of a lot of overconfident up-and-comer petty crooks who think they'll be the guy to take me down. You would not believe how many guys tape flashlights to shotguns and hope they get a lucky shot. Rumor has it though, that the professional hitmen have taken me off their list and won't take a hit on me even at three times their usual rate. And we're talking million dollar fees here.

Vinnie's waiting for me at the entrance, chatting into a cell phone.

"Call off the search, boys. The boss is home safe."

He hangs up quickly.

"Jackie, what the hell happened? Jimmy says he was talking to you one minute, then the next you were gone."

"I went to hell."

"Again? This is what, the fifth time?"

"Something like that, Vinnie. I just spent my morning limping home from Long Island after telling the devil to go fuck himself."

"Jackie, you do know how long that walk is, right? You shouldn't even be alive."

"I know. Somehow I got dropped onto the Brooklyn Bridge. Don't ask me how. It doesn't make sense to me either. All I know is one minute I was talking to Jimmy the Grape, then the devil was behind the wheel of my car, and then I found myself nearly getting my head taken off by traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge in broad daylight."

Vinnie shakes his head.

"Jesus, Jackie. I don't even know how you get into these messes, but I do have some good news."

"Tell me, Vinnie. I could use some good news right about now."

"One of the boys was out buying a wedding present and happened to stumble across one of your keys at the curio shop he was browsing. He bought it right away and brought it back here."

"Do we know if it's legit?"

"Johnny says so. Spent hours running tests before he put in the box. He tested it and it fits."

I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Okay, that was easy. Did the shopkeeper say anything? I mean, ancient mystical artifacts don't just turn up on the street."

 _Then where did you get half of yours,_ a small voice in my head wonders before I push it aside. Fine, you don't _generally_ find ancient mystical artifacts on the street.

"Yeah, he did, actually. Apparently, a really beautiful girl sold it to him the other day. Dark hair, a nose ring…"

My stomach twists. I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

"What was she wearing?"

"Gold. Some kind of gold bikini under a trench coat."

My heart sank. The Angelus had put one of the keys into my hands. Something that was supposed to stop her was being given to me. It was like Troy. I was looking a gift wooden horse in the mouth. Everything I was working for could be a trap. If I put all the keys in the box, would I see Jenny again? Or would I do something I'd regret forever? Was it all a trap?

Why? It didn't make sense. The box was supposed to stop the Angelus. Johnny would know, he's never wrong about this stuff. I mean, he knows shit about artifacts not even the best museums know. He's picked out fakes a mile away. He'd never send me a trap, I know it. I mean, not willingly. Plus, why would the Brotherhood have something that would _help_ the Angelus stored up?

Unless Jenny had something to do with it…Could Jenny act on her own? She had before, but that was when the Angelus had let her. Questions were buzzing in my mind like a cloud of flies, and I needed answers. And there was only one guy I knew who could give me them.

"I need to talk with Johnny Powell. Bring him to me."

"You got it, boss."

Ten minutes later, Johnny shudders his way into the room. He's with Jimmy the Grape, who doesn't look happy. It's a rare sight to see Jimmy's face out of that kindly old smile, and it's not a sight you want to see. Jimmy is a real tough cookie, and he doesn't tolerate people setting me up. He's the kind of man who looks equally at home playing bridge at a nursing home and blowing someone's brains out. It's a rare combination of hospitality and hostility. I've heard a variety of reasons as to why he's called Jimmy the Grape. It might be the purple suit. It might be that he likes his wine and makes his own from time to time. It also might be the fact that he tends to press people like grapes if they get in his way.

"Listen, Johnny," Jimmy says in that grandfatherly way of his, "you've got some explaining to do to Jackie. You're in big trouble if you've set him up."

I know that tone of voice. He only uses it if he's hinting you're going to become intimately familiar with the bottom of the Hudson River.

"Okay, okay! Jackie! I swear to God I didn't set you up! I've been translating the Ancient Sumerian or whatever, it's taken me a while! This ain't the kind of shit you can use Rosetta Stone or Google Translate on! This thing, it _is_ meant to f-fight the Angelus. B-B-But it's not exactly a weapon. It's s-something that makes the Angelus a bit easier to fight."

"How?!"

"Okay, okay Jackie! Don't get mad! Look, from what I can t-tell, it basically takes the Angelus's host away. It gives the Angelus a d-different body, one that's basically an empty shell. S-so you'll get Jenny back, but you'll have to fight a-a p-p-pissed-off Angelus. Your only h-h-hope is being able to seal it away or, or…"

"Or what?!"

"Or r-r-reason with it. I don't know how. But, but if M-Moses can tell God to not nuke his hometown off the map for the sake of one good guy, maybe you can reason with it."

Jimmy relents.

"Jackie," Jimmy begins, "I don't pretend to understand this magic mumbo-jumbo. I really don't. But I do believe in a kind and loving God, and I think we've got a fighting chance against whatever this Angelus is. What you've got in you might be a family curse, but it's _our_ family curse. You're not alone in fighting this. And while Johnny's off the hook for now…the moment he puts a toe out of line, just give the word and he disappears."

I shake my head.

"That won't be necessary, Jimmy. Give Johnny some good coffee. I'm going to need him to do some more research. Anybody know where Sara is?"

"Right here, boss!"

Sara walks in, a pair of headphones around her neck and a general look of ease that greatly clashes with the look of everyone else in the room. I suspect it's faked, but I don't say anything.

"Anything new?"

"Nothing, boss. We were trying to find more keys, until we found this envelope with the last two just sitting on your doorstep."

I gulp. That doesn't sound good.

"It's too easy," I say. "I mean, we'll test it. But who would send us those keys just out of the blue?"

The Angelus had given me one.

And now, two more had arrived. Enough to open the damn box.

Was this what The Angelus _wanted?_

I couldn't deal with this now. I waved my men away, took the box and keys to my room, and settled into my Jacuzzi. Soaking, I took a look at the box. It was right there, the key to my victory. I mean, fuck, if I used this now, I'd won, basically. I'd get Jenny back in my life, free her from The Angelus. Then I'd tell The Angelus to fuck off back to outer space and it'd be happily ever after.

I don't know why, but against all my common sense I started putting the keys in and turning them.

That's a lie. I do know why.

I've lived so fucking long without hope. I mean, how the fuck can I keep going without her? They can crown me the king of the whole fuckin' world but without Jenny this throne means nothing. I don't _want_ to be the don. That's why I'm the most fit for it. Money and power are all very nice, but they're not what I _want._

A lot of people, people who read too many damn comic books, they think it must be great havin' all these powers and going around like a total badass in a long coat shooting up crackhouses full of random goons. Maybe even saying a few one-liners while you're at it. Fuckin' movie star you are, wearing your gimp suit and Columbine shooter cosplay. Big fuckin' hero. Uncle Paulie would have liked that, y'know? He probably saw himself as the hero of his own little story, just like everyone else in this city. I'm not a hero and I never will be. I'm not a nice guy, I'm not a good boyfriend, I'm not a good boss, and I'm not a leader. I'm just the lesser of two evils, and that's all I'll ever be. It's not a moral high ground thing. And I'm sure that in a comic book or some video game or some shit, this speech would get all those Doritos and Mountain Dew guzzling fucks up in the air cheering.

But this is reality. And it hurts a _ton_. You think blowing away some two-bit punk makes the pain of losing a loved one go away? If that were true, I'd probably be icing people every night. You think dedicating yourself to some stupid vigilante cause with a mask on your face makes you a hero? If that were all it took, I'd be motherfucking Saint Peter right now. I'd be at the Pearly Gates with Jenny, kissing her and shaking God's hand. You know what being a vigilante is? It's the lowest fucking form of grief. It's hitting rock bottom and being so far in denial you don't even have the grace to just live on welfare and wallow in cheap ramen and Jack Daniels. The vigilante doesn't hit rock bottom and stop, he keeps tunnelling past it.

So for the record, that's why I'm turning the keys. Because I'm _tired_ of being the big anti-hero. I'm tired of the gunplay, I'm tired of the badass posing on rooftops, and I'm really tired of the fucking demons and angels and shit. I mean, what the fuck do I look like, Spawn? This shit isn't for me. All I ever wanted was _her._ Because she _loved me._ Is that too much to ask?

I'm turning the keys. I'm making a decision I may very well regret. Because let's face it—I regret nearly every decision I've ever made.

Except for Jenny. Being with her was the one good call I made in my life.

The box opens slowly, and then…

There's a knife. And a piece of parchment. No flash of light, no torrent of darkness, nothing. To be honest I'm almost kind of disappointed. Every time I run into one of these life-or-death situations there's almost always enough black smoke to fill a Spirit Halloween fog machine department. Not this time. I take out the piece of parchment first, because I know to always read the damn user's manual when it comes to anything.

Not the iTunes user agreement, though. That thing's too damn long for its own good.

It's written in some complete gibberish of symbols. Of course it is.

And then an idea hits me. I turn out the light. Suddenly, the letters become clear as daylight.

I'd seen similar scribblings on the walls of Brotherhood safehouses, and in the Darkness's own realm. I figured I'd probably have to be in the dark to make any sense of it. And sure enough, the gibberish symbols start translating themselves to English.

**TO TAKE BACK ONE INNOCENT, FIVE MUST BE KILLED.**

**THEIR BLOOD MUST STAIN THIS KNIFE.**

**ONLY THEN WILL THE HOST BE FREED.**

The knife glints at me from the box. Jenny's salvation is lying here, for me to use on anyone I damn well feel like. Just five lives. Nobody would miss them.

Except me. Because I know I would feel the weight of those five murders my whole damn life.

I get dressed, and call Johnny to take a look at the note, just to make sure I'm not hallucinating.

"J-Jackie, thank god you c-contacted me. T-this thing, i-it's not lying to you. I j-just need to know, if you're really planning on killing innocent p-people. B-because if you do, I'm walking. I'm gone. S-shoot me or whatever, but…J-Jackie, I know you're better than this."

"I know," I reply, not smiling. "That's why I'm doing this."

Johnny's eyes widen in horror.

"ANGELUS!" I cry out, in my loudest tone. "I SUMMON THEE!"

And then, in the most blinding light I can imagine, she appears, gold, half-naked, and gorgeous.

I swallow hard.

The next words I speak could either save me or damn me.


	22. I'll Be Home For Christmas

**_"Jackie Estacado,"_** she smiles, her perfect teeth shining like stars as she floats down to me. **_"I see you have the only thing left in this world capable of stopping me. Well, then. What's it going to be?_**

I take a look at her, and a look back at the box. The boys are all gathering to watch. It's the final showdown, now or never.

"You know," I begin, "I was thinking originally, that I was going to fight you. It was going to be a big, guns blazing finale. Fireworks. A show with everything but Yul Brynner. Man, it would have been fuckin' great, wouldn't it? You, the ultimate force of order, versus me, chaos incarnate. Shawn Michaels vs Triple H. Sting vs Undertaker. King Kong vs Godzilla. Alien vs Predator. Dream matches. Showdowns that the fuckin' aeons would have been envious of. I'd use this here box and I'd take Jenny back. I'd go in and fight you in some extradimensional world with two pistols and a ton of badass one-liners."

She just shakes her head.

**_"Deluded as always, Jackie. Sinners like you always are. The lies you tell yourselves to beg for salvation on your knees…"_ **

"I'm not finished," I glare. "You know, I was going to do that. And then, I had an interesting few hours. The devil offered me an easy way out. I didn't take it. I got all the keys handed to me. And I briefly considered not using them, because don't think I can't tell an obvious trap. But I got to thinking…that I can't fuckin' take this anymore. I opened the box! I took out the knife! I saw the parchment and I got made promises that were all so damn easy! Just murder five people. That's a Saturday night for me."

**_"It sounds to me like you still want to fight."_ **

"I don't, Inquisitor Barbie, and here's why. The note had a catch. Innocent blood."

The entire mansion fills with murmurs. Jimmy the Grape looks serious and nods to me, knowing just what I'm going to say next. Dolpho's being restrained by Vinny. He probably would try fragging her, and that would be a one-way ticket to Sodom and Gommorrah-level annihilation.

"Innocent blood," I repeat. "Now, Jimmy, what is the code of the Family about innocent blood?"

"No women. No children. No innocents." Jimmy states, clearly as a bell.

 ** _"Interesting rules,"_** The Angelus croons, rubbing her stomach. I still see the child growing within her, but it doesn't resemble a baby at all. **_"Do you presume that they will actually save you from damnation?"_**

Sara walks up to her.

"Hey. The boss is talking. Shut up and listen," she says, sticking her tongue out.

I could almost cheer, but I don't want to tick off the woman who could kill me in the wink of an eye.

The Angelus tosses her against a pillar.

**_"Insolent child."_ **

My boys all pull guns, but I wave them down. There's no need to escalate this further.

"Honestly, honey?" I say, sarcasm dripping from my tone. "I don't presume shit. You knew this box would be a temptation for me. Just a quick way of signing my damnation warrant."

 ** _"I knew no such thing,"_** The Angelus comments. **_"I cannot read the language of The Darkness."_**

Fucking snake-toothed asshole. Of _course_ this wasn't all on The Angelus. For all I know, both are equally as bad.

"But here's the thing."

I get down on my knees.

"When I started this whole crazy quest, I thought maybe I'd be able to lay a few personal demons to bed. I thought I'd be the hero and save Jenny and fight the big bad angel in the sky with her giant fucking sun beam lasers or whatever. And years ago, I might have been raring to go one on one with you. I might have. I loved killing Uncle Paulie. I loved fighting Brother Victor. Fuck me, I _loved_ what I did! Because it's like being the movie hero! Slam-bang action constantly, guns blazing, thrash metal playing in your head 24/7 and you _never wanna come down!_ But that's when I started seeing what my power _does_ to people. There was a little kid who was being eaten at night by the monster under his bed. A Darkling. One of mine. Just because I'd let it wander off. And it made me want to throw up. And then…there's this knife."

I hold it up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, one innocuous little dagger. Five innocent lives is all it needs to send The Angelus packing out of Jenny Romano's body! Only five innocents! Kill them and the devil takes your soul for free."

I spit on the box.

"But I'm not that kind of man. I've never _been_ that kind of man. I've been a murderer. I've been a monster. I rip out hearts and feed them to the evil within me. I'm a sicko, I'm a psycho, and I'm the worst thing to happen to crime since disco."

Sara looks over at me, pitying, but I shake my head.

"You win."

 ** _"What?"_** The Angelus asks, incredulous.

 ** _"YOU can'T bE SERIouS, JAaaccKIEE!"_** The Darkness protests.

"You. Win." I say, emphasizing the words. "You get the box. The dagger. The keys. You get the all-expenses paid vacation to the love of my life's body and soul. You get to throw me in hell again, if you want. You get to punish me and cry victory to heaven."

I take out both my guns, unload them, and throw them on the ground.

"This is it," I sigh. "This is the end of it all. Because here's the thing about me. Me not killing innocents isn't just some moral high ground thing. It's who I am. It's who _Jenny_ is. And I refuse to do something that would hurt _either_ of us, or _anyone_ innocent. Now I don't know how many times this has been used on you before. Probably a lot. Darkness users aren't subtle. They don't _care_ about how many innocents get hurt. I've fought enough of them to know."

**_"YOu ARE a fool!"_ **

"I don't give a fuck, Darkness! Shut the fuck up and let me finish!"

I bow my head.

"You win," I say for the last time. "You win because if I do anything now, I lose. Checkmate. It was a good game we had going, Angelus. You can tell our kid all about it. Tell him how daddy lost, and tell him how you'll make sure he never turns out like Big Bad Jackie Estacado and his magical fucking edgy trenchcoat shoulder snakes. Tell Jenny that she deserved better. Because I _know_ she did. I didn't want to be the host for the Darkness. I didn't want to be the Don. But I knew somebody had to take responsibility…because…better me than some other asshole with even fewer morals than me. Tell Jenny I love her."

I get up to one knee and look around.

"Guys, it's been nice knowing you all. Jimmy, thank you for raising me. Vinny, you're the best consigliere I could ever ask for. Johnny, thanks for being crazy, amazing you. Dolpho, never change. You make the best bombs in the business…"

Sara looks utterly distraught. She's crying alone in the corner.

"Sara," I say, "you were the daughter I never had. And I only regret…that I didn't get to be in your life longer. Promise me…you won't let this turn you bitter. Promise me you'll hold out hope."

"I-I—"

But she can't finish. Vinny carries her out.

I get ready for my last reckoning.

"These are the final words of Jackie fucking Estacado," I say, shaking my head. "God, I know exactly where I'm going when I die. I just want to say…Jenny deserves heaven. Jenny deserves to know that while I'm burning in hell that I'm thinking of her every single moment. I just want to say, for the record, I tried. Not nearly hard enough, not nearly well enough, but I tried. And now, I say goodbye. _Arrivederci,_ people. It's been a wild fuckin' ride."

I close my eyes and wait for her to kill me.

…

…

…

It never happens.

 ** _"Jackie…"_** The Angelus says, no hatred in her voice. **_"Is this how you truly feel?"_**

I look up at her.

"Yeah. Every day of my life. I go home, look at Jenny's picture, light a candle, and pray. Because I know it's never enough. There's not enough water in the world to wash her blood off my hands. God, I used to think it was so simple! Just kill the bad guys, keep the cash rolling in, and be a fuckin' hero. I'm not a hero. I'm not the hero she needs."

 ** _"You offer me a quandary,"_** The Angelus states, **_"I should strike you down where you stand. I should kill you. Because that is my mission. My sacred purpose—to kill The Darkness. But here you stand, forsaking that which you are, and offering your life instead of taking an easy victory."_**

"Do what you have to," I say.

 ** _"I will not,"_** she says. **_"I will do what is right. In time, Jackie…you have taught me one thing about humanity…"_**

"What's that?"

**_"That the right thing to do is not always what we are told must be done. I have defined myself on the single-minded purpose of destroying The Darkness. And The Darkness is a terrible thing. By all logic, it should be destroyed. And yet…"_ **

Her wings fold up, some of the blinding light dying down.

**_"…you are a child of Darkness. You are its host. You are a vicious murderer and a criminal, but…you hold your head towards the light. The Darkness tells you what to do, but you do not do it unless you find it to be just. You are more than just a puppet, steered around by some great cosmic player…"_ **

I can barely breathe with my heart hammering away in my chest, but I look up and see Jenny looking back at me from those gold-infested eyes the Angelus has.

**_"I once believed…that love was a weakness. Love was chaos, I thought. Chaos is the tool of The Darkness. But I remembered something…from long ago…if God loved the world enough to give it light…then who am I to take it from someone who is drowning in darkness? Jenny is your light, Jackie…and she was never mine to have."_ **

A blinding flash knocks me backward like a flashbang grenade. My ears ring and I can't see anything…

…but I can feel something…something warm.

Someone warm…

"Jackie…?" a soft, female voice speaks. "Is that you?"

I feel a lip ring pressing against my neck. I feel her breath.

It's her. God help me, it's her.

_Jenny._

Jenny, naked except for a torn white robe, is lying across me, holding me like there's no tomorrow. The Angelus is still hovering above me, but it no longer looks like Jenny. It's this…harsh but warm white light, shaped into a winged figure, covered in gold.

 ** _"Jackie…"_** she speaks, **_"This is a conditional sentence…Jenny is yours once more, and you are hers. But I warn you…if you should fail to care for her sufficiently…I will not hesitate to kill you."_**

"Trust me," I gasp. "I don't plan on ever failing her again. Except at breakfast maybe. I can't make eggs for shit."

The Angelus lets out a quirk of what might be a smile.

**_"One more thing, Jackie. Our child is due soon…and I think I've found a suitable host."_ **

I gulp at that last word.

"Please," I say. "Don't tell me who it is—"

**_"Sara Peevish. A child who has wandered both in light and darkness. Who better to bestow with a gift of balance? The Witchblade, after all, must have a female wielder…"_ **

I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Angelus, honey? I'm grateful. I'm really, really grateful. You can show up at the family reunions just so long as you don't atomize anybody. But…I am really, really fucking tired…so could I just get upstairs and be with Jenny for a good long while? Everybody, you're all dismissed for now. Thank you, and goodnight!"

I immediately black out.

Seasons change in NYC like Carrie changes shoes on _Sex and the City._ Before I knew it, it was Christmas, and Jenny and I were curled up together in tacky sweaters and drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows. Carolers were singing on every block, and Jimmy the Grape would put a twenty in their cups. Christmas music, the old kind, not the new modern pop shit, was playing constantly around the mansion. I slipped in "Last Christmas" by Wham!, though. Not all pop is bad.

I won't lie, the first few nights I was back with Jenny, I thought I was dreaming. I kept expecting to wake up alone again. Sometimes I get nightmares of The Angelus, wake up in a cold sweat after seeing her incinerate me for the millionth time. I mean…we have an understanding now, but I'm a mob boss, not a trusting toddler. I know when the chips are down, she might decide to put the fear of God in me. At least I have the comfort of knowing she's going to leave Jenny alone.

It's not a perfect world I've ended up in. This isn't the resolution I would have gone for. I mean, I figure there should have been some kind of parade or some shit for getting the holy terror of supermodels to leave me alone and not nuke New York off the map just to get rid of me. But hell, having Jenny back? That more than makes up for all the bullshit that's happened since…well, since she was murdered. She doesn't remember most of being in hell, and that's for the best. She remembers dying, and there's a scar, barely noticeable, just under her hairline, from the bullet. It's a sobering reminder to me that I can't afford to put her in danger ever again.

We go to church every Sunday now, Jenny and I. Sara joins us sometimes, when she can get up to my part of Manhattan. I gave her a new last name; she's Sara Pezzini now. I hear she's working to be a police detective. Irony, am I right? But hey, that Witchblade is looking pretty nifty on her arm, though it's good she almost never has to use it. I hear she's been looking into the supernatural cases NYPD won't touch with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole otherwise.

(Yeah, we've been watching _How the Grinch Stole Christmas!_ And I mean the original, not the Jim Carrey one. Though I'm willing to sit through that for the boys. They're big Jim Carrey fans.)

Christmas Eve at St. Patrick's Cathedral is going to be a major night for us. I've slipped word to the pastor that we're announcing our engagement, and that we're getting married next Christmas. It'd be this year, but we're still sorting out Jenny's legal status. "Till death do us part" and all that.

Right now, though, that all feels like a million miles away.

Jenny is lying in my lap, looking up at me.

"Hey Ratface," she says, with that irresistible smile of hers. "Even if all of that was absolutely awful…there was one good thing about being the host for The Angelus."

"What's that?" I ask, not even sure _how_ there are good points to being a host to that thing.

"Well…it's nice to know that the man you love scares the shit out of your kidnapper."

She giggles adorably before wrapping around my chest and giving me the biggest hug I've ever had.

"Merry Christmas, Ratface. Never thought you'd have it this good, did you?"

"Jenny…It was never this good without you."

Something's troubling me, and I figure I might as well say it now.

"Jenny…uh…The Angelus…showed you everything about me, right?"

She grows a bit solemn.

"Yes, Jackie. I know you kill people. I know you're a mob boss. I know all of that."

I swallow hard, not wanting entirely to know her reaction.

"But it doesn't matter," Jenny finally says. "Because you're still the same Jackie Estacado who wouldn't stand for bullies at the orphanage. You're still _him._ Not even your bastard of an "uncle" could change that. Am I scared? Maybe a little. But only because I couldn't even dream there'd be a man willing to tear heaven and earth apart for me. Just, if you could promise me one thing, Ratface…"

I look into those emerald eyes of hers and melt.

"Anything, Jenny. God help me, anything."

She smiles.

"For Christmas, can you take a day off from being Mr. Scary Dark Lord of New York City?"

I pull her close to me.

"For you, Jenny? I will."

She giggles and purrs.

"Hey, Ratface. Look up."

I do. One of the Darklings has hung some mistletoe above us.

We kiss passionately as the sound of Bing Crosby and Burl Ives carries us off into the snowy night.

God, I love this town.


End file.
